Another visit from my psyche; my deep inner self giving me another lesson. Last night, well early morning, I had another dream about She-She bear. My shame bear I found in a warehouse of my things in my dream, "Undone". I haven't been dreaming lately as it was so I was hoping for something funny to come my way, which is why I fall asleep to stand up comedy. It relaxes me and makes me think I can prevent nightmares or at least have a comedic dream.
The scene was set in a theater and the comic was Bert Kreisher. He has a new special "Hey Big Boy" on Netflix, it's hilarious so that's what I fell asleep to. In the dream I'm in the audience enjoying the performance. As with most dreams there are scene changes without explanation and suddenly, in my dream there is an intermission. Bert leaves the stage, for I don't know a wardrobe change I guess, and in his place is a very attractive man with shoulder length dark hair pulled back loosely in a pony tail. I'm suddenly transported to the second floor, in front of the ladies restroom. From the hall facing the bathroom there are no outside walls, however there are a couple of large columns that separate the hall from large bathroom area. There is a row of stalls on the left inside wall and on that same wall, closest to the hall, is a half wall mirror with 3 or 4 sinks underneath. I suddenly feel the urge to pee. Wanting to beat the crowd I quickly walk into the first stall. I open the door and upon turning around to lock the stall door, I notice the door is suddenly shorter by two-thirds. Actually, less than a third of the door is covering the top portion of the stall. I thought this doesn't make sense. The line forming in the bathroom in front of me will see me anyhow. What is the point of the partial door? I shrugged it off and thought I don't care, if someone is going to see me expose myself and if they continue to watch, well that's on them. I pull up my skirt, slide down my panties, squat and pee. When I get up after wiping to flush I see a second toilet in the same stall. Weird, are two people suppose to be in here? Or with reflection maybe it was a bidet. As I leave the stall I see my pink teddy bear. My childhood 'shame' bear, She-She. I hastily grabbed her and laid the bear down next to the sink to wash my hands. I see the handsome intermission actor leading a dance procession on the second floor. Regretfully, I don't remember the music playing. As he is walking by I am having delicious thoughts how enticing he is and I suddenly want him fervently to grind up against me, even more so with those people dancing behind him. My body is aching for him to come up behind me and press himself hard into me, up against my ass. I want to feel his excitement swelling, firmly pressing into my cunt. In front of these people. Right here in the bathroom. Right now. Just as I finish with this secret wish, my attention is back to the bear. I am looking at her in love. I pick her up and hug her with feelings of compassion and how much I have missed her. My next thought is of an overwhelming mothering urge to take her home and care for her. I need to nurture her. I wake. With eyes open, I try to think about the meaning of the dream. If shame was attached to this bear then why was I missing her? Does the reappearance of the bear indicate that I am currently feeling shame? Prior to falling asleep, I was thinking about my event with Skippy and was perhaps postulating that shame is attached to this occurrence. Because immediately right after the incident, I felt he pulled away; the sexting suddenly stopped and even his nonsexual messages to me waned. But, had he and I continued playing and talking I doubt I would have felt this shame. I've always had this relaxed level of comfort with him; but at the same time I'm so nervous around him feeling he's critical and judgmental. I become a juxtaposition of emotions around him. Salty and sweet. Naughty and nice. Regardless, back to the bear. Maybe I'm suppose to take that shame and love her? In the dream I did have thoughts of wanting to care for her and hug her. The bathroom symbolism, could indicate a need to relieve myself from emotional burdens. Me wanting the man to grind up against me shouldn't be shameful, it was a desire. As was the desire I had to enjoy myself with Skippy watching. As I was proof reading before posting, I sharply inhaled from surprise after reading this portion: "What is the point of the partial door? I shrugged it off and thought I don't care, if someone is going to see me expose myself and if they continue to watch, well that's on them." I now smile to myself. because I shouldn't feel any shame. He watched so that's on him. Not for me or anyone else to make me feel in a shameful way. If anything, I feel a regret not knowing there were unspoken boundaries in place. But then again how can I know these things without it being voiced or explained? So now, no shame, no regrets-Energy Helix was absolutely a wonderful experience. I enjoyed having this man, that has me experiencing so many contrasting feelings at once, watch me while I had an orgasm. I never had an experience of being watched without being touched; looked hungrily upon nor instructed to do things before. It was such an amazing magical experience, I might even do it again, maybe. Until the flip~ no shame stay beautiful
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |