Well it appears I am correct in surmising Dv is off into the vast Nothing. I had an inkling, my fantasies are better than real life. I just thought for once, a play would have blown my mind and instead of fantasizing I would've been documenting for posterity's sake.
I'm exhausted with the fantasies of him circling in my head and with that I gracefully exit, no regrets and finally put this to bed. Perfect song ending to this saga~ "Tangerine Sky" Kottonmouth Kings I wanna touch the sky unleash control Wanna feel time travel, real through my soul Wanna ride real high Wanna lay real low Independent free thought control my zone My zones full blown like a plant full grown Just take some time to elevate Climax what the clouds create It's never too late to lose the hate It's never too late, it's never too late now Say goodbye to a tangerine sky Say hello, say hello to tomorrow (Say Good-bye) When you say goodbye to a tangerine sky You lose your pain, lose your fear, lose your sorrow (Say Good-bye) Until~
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My brain won't stop. I am out of control and I should be punished. Big smile to go with the chill that came over me. And what has transpired you may ask? Or not. Well, I found a website, during my research a lot of others recommend FetLife. I just went to the website. Didn't sign up. Not much unless you do sign up. However I did find a glossary the Kinktionary...and am thoroughly enjoying my studies. Wow a lot to learn here. I'm very interested in a Sensualist- "a person with a strong focus on the pursuit of sensual pleasures and interests." My dom could do lots of sensory play for rewards or tasks. Now I'm thinking punishments for a sensualist wouldn't be normal spankings because it's still touch.
Moving on I feel dumb for having 'skerd' off Dv. And Mr. Pickle, isn't the dom I need or wanted as a dom really. Especially when I previously asked Dv if I could domme him and his reply was he's the dominant. So, naturally my brain went there. Eventually. When did this start up again? I think just when he thanked me for his birthday wishes and called me babygirl. Fuck am I that easy for a breeze to just get me going? Or is Dv a tornado and I'm a helpless little Dorothy wanting to run and hide but secretly just wants to be lifted, carried off and destroyed? Agh, I need another hobby. Clearly writing about sex is just making me think more about sex. I just need to go to bed. But first maybe a little laundry room action, that tornado got me excited. Damn it. Until the flip- knock it to the ground and pile drive those ruby red stilettos off "Battery" Metallica
I just fucking did it. Bit the bullet. I was going to drag this sexual intensity out for another post then check his snap. But first, I did leave the house for the gym. Lifting weights always helps with anxiousness and sexual tension and sexual frustration. I went during the after work hours, I figured the gym would be full of business type people. I don't know what I was expecting but sure as shit not expecting the yard, the free weight area where the buff peacocks like to work out and strut and stare at themselves, to actually be full of eye candy. Not the show offs but nice eye candy. "Orion" Metallica I have to say the album Master Of Puppets is good for making out and fucking. I digress. I may have locked onto eyes longer than socially accepted. Especially on a few machines, the sitting leg press for one, as I was drawing my legs in to my chest my normal glance is eyes up maybe at the eyebrows then look away. But for one decent piece an eye lock and a smile. I was startled. I normally don't stay long enough to see another's reactive facial response. Another eye lock was on a stretching machine. You actually lock up your wrists so when you stretch back you won't fall back off the machine. I climbed that thing a little too happy to bind my wrists and I purposely sought out eyes to lock onto. I spot a decent young man, 12 o'clock; straddle the seat, eyes locked onto his and slowly slide both wrists into bands. A small faint smile crosses my lips as I pull my arms apart slowly to tighten the bands around my wrists. Ah, shit that felt good. I gave a thank you smile with a slight head nod to him for joining me on the little binding event I gave myself. Looked away and proceeded to lean back and enjoy the stretch. Okay back to the snap. I added something to my story that only he would understand. Why can I work that app better when I'm buzzed/drunk than sober? His reply was something like, he says I'm cute we can just play with each other. My panties melted slightly. Because, he did not in fact reject my proposal, but we can still play. He's there. He's a dom. And here's the thing, he's a hot young pup that likely has hundreds of instasnatch snacks playing with him already daily. He can make his rounds without getting bored of the person, however, doing the same thing with different chicks has to at a point get boring or in need of a greater stimulus because the receptors are burnt out. "Leper Messi ah" Metallica This is where this D/s comes into play! Not only that, but how do these people that play this way keep from catching feelings? Especially from women. I can't speak for others but know myself and by having D/s relations it would have a professional feel. I don't know, maybe I need to research if subs fall in love with their Doms or visa versa. I feel like it would work for me and give me something to write about. Maybe it's too much for him and that his 'dom' was just kinky bedroom stuff but not really a fetish thing. He's nervous? I don't know I can't speculate, but he has nothing to be nervous about. I think back when we did talk I was speaking to him in front of the house and he enjoyed that fact. That I had to carefully choose my words but I had to answer him. Ahhhhh, that was fucking hot. And to me very dom behavior, yes? I wish he would reconsider. I think this, I know this play would be amazing. I want him to dom me. I want to experience this. We could go slow as I think it normally does. I find out what he likes to be called. He continues to call me babygirl. I ask what would he have me do this week? Maybe start small, I'm to jerk off right before lunch, call out by his dom name. And then how to prove it was done, maybe a video, an audio, or a picture? I don't maybe record an audio and send it right away after completion because he'd expect it before noon sometime this week before the weekend. "Eye Of The Beholder" Metallica Definitely in a mood. Likely, scared him off. I seem pushy, or needy for wanting him to dom me which is a weird thing because subs are kind of wanting or needing to have stuff done. I don't have a next plan, I really didn't want to find a stranger. I thought he would, maybe I just need to go slow let this naturally develop? But I thought D/s were agreed upon before hand, like rules and safe words. Maybe he is reading some of my ideas and he's busy thinking about his own how to proceed with me. Handle me. Well, my imagination runs when he makes any contact with me so there's that; my imagination and just a hello babygirl ahhhnnnd I'm coming. Fitting end I suppose. "Shortest Straw" Metallica "Work" Iggy Azalea
A mood. So spank me. Yes, really. Frustrated. Sexually frustrated and vibing hard. Cleaning up a "Daddy section" and so many thoughts. Thinking about Dv and how he would be better suited for the dom I need. A young pup, cocky, and very self assured would be better pushing my comfort zone. I don't mind a soft dom but I feel like with Mr. Pickle I would have to teach him how to dom. Dv though, I think I could just give him a list of task ideas and he'd run with it. Know what to do. He'd learn me; rewards and punishments. I'd have the tasks listed by grade. I complete sections and then I could move up from a... Whoa I was on a roll working on my daddy section. I completed and compiled lists, notes and details such as responsibilities for Dom and sub. Really detailed with Dv in mind. "Candy Shop" 50 Cent It's really a good list. I cleaned it up some because it was working me hard. Quickly, I wanted to send it to him see if he'd dom me. Then couldn't contain myself after I sent him a message about it. I ran to the bathroom. Headphones on, no need for the vibrator this wasn't going to take me long. Threw on some "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye. Fantasizing he responds with, "Yes send me the proposal." And with that he's equally turned on. Emphasized, I am really looking for a D/s 'relationship' here. Not just some extra kinky way to send nudes and get each other off but me wanting to be a sub. His sub. I want to complete tasks from him for him. I want to be rewarded by him. From him I want to be punished. He said no to me being his domme, okay after researching this lifestyle more I can see how he'd be a perfect Dom. I tested as a switch so I'm perfectly, rather purrrrrfectly content being a submissive; his. I've 'played' in the bedroom like minor playing just to get myself and my partner off and I've always wanted to be a sub but no one took me seriously and really dove in with me. He's adorable. He'd be good at this. Thinking back on our playing; yes he would order me nicely. Since I already 'know' him I'd feel better than finding someone off a website. And he's really hot. Young pup so cocky, yes him. He him would be soooooo gooood to dom me. "Vitamin D" Ludacris I'm scared to check snap. Told him if not interested or curious enough to see my proposal then decide, to just leave me on read. No reply is necessary I don't actually want to read, "No thank you." He already crushed me before. Okay what to do then if I don't hear back. Should I continue writing a fantasy as if he is dom'ing me? Do I join a website and find an actual dom? Writing about the process of finding a dom would be interesting. However, uh, I want him. Need him. He could 'fix' my hard vibe. Okay I'm just checking snap quickly. Phew. Not opened yet. Delivered 23 minutes ago. Gawd I think I'm going to have to use the bathroom again. This wait is making butterflies in my stomach drop to my crotch. Last check. 31 minutes delivered. I'm just going to post out of order and throw this up now. Maybe this will serve as intent and the magical universe will help answer my 'prayer'. His phone apparently died last night, well early Saturday morning. Hadn't heard from him Saturday figured life, his life interrupted. Threw him a text in the middle of dom researching to just make sure he was okay. Texted immediately he was okay but yes his life was acting up, he asked if I can talk tonight. Yes, I respond give me 30 minutes. Needed to do dishes.
Grab my laptop, speaker, phone, earbud mic and couple of beers head to the she shed. Excited to either talk to him or getting to write. Last night I sent him an excerpt of the first post of his section to read. Like a hot section. I can double check now but I will later before posting. I'm buzzing with energy to write I have, I am experiencing so many emotions or just a few emotions just very strongly right now and I just want and need to write. He read it and said it was really good and I should be actually writing. I said I'd give him more to read as I really don't want him here in this space reading stuff; as I want this to transpire organically. I don't want to write as if he's reading any of this. So we talked again tonight. I was worked up from researching D/s lifestyle. I had started to write as if Dv was going to dom me. But just on a whim I asked him, Mr. Pickle if he was interested. He's so agreeable. He said, "Yes of course. No idea how, but I will." And with that I started shaking. So many thoughts. Gawd he'd go along with any sexual request I had without fucking question. He'd get happy just knowing if it was something that would make me come he'd do it, he'd basically just ask what to wear; naked or not. I'm busy writing away and texting him that I was ready. He replies he's talking to his mom. I respond with no worries I was getting caught up in my writing and wanted to continue the flow. He calls. I can hardly speak, my smile is interfering with my ability to just say hello. Can't contain my smile. This dopamine feels good. We get lost in normal talk. He then works on a rubix cube. I tell him how in 2 moves repeatedly he can get it to work. He's talking and I've got System of a Down Toxicity album playing and I'm feeling good. Really good after two beers. Warm and fuzzy but worried because of the alcohol it may take me awhile to have an orgasm. Can't help myself. The sound of his voice. Just saying words. I'm getting heated. His laugh is sexual to me, but it's just his normal laugh. Sigh. I'm thinking it won't happen with him tonight. Maybe tonight I finish myself after we get off the phone? Chop Suey is playing, such good fucking fuck music. I remember he knew this was my favorite song and band and while on the road he brought this back as a gift to me. Memories again, that got me going. My hand slides down my pants. Only this time I don't want panty play. I take my fingers and lick them in case I'm not wet enough. No worries his voice took care of that and I slide my fingers down past my underwear waist band. I'm completely wet. Unassuming circles start. He's still talking about things, about stuff, it doesn't matter. I feel like he has to go soon so I do this now or have to without him. I really want to come with him on the phone. I want him to talk to me while I'm coming. He exclaims how late it is and he has to go but yet he says he doesn't want to. I've been getting close and tell him no please not yet I just need a few more minutes. He laughs, he knows. He starts talking dom stuff. He could tell me what to do. I'm listening to the music and his voice swirling together wishing he was here with me. Pulling my pants off. Sliding my panties down. Looking at me, eyes locked with intent to pull me to him and get inside of me. We spoke earlier that we each would come with medical paper work. Since I can't get pregnant he would not have to use condoms. The thought of him coming inside of me was bringing me to the brink. So close and I hear him struggling with something. I'm asking him what's going on and he's telling him he hadn't planned on coming but he's now getting there he needs to come. Hearing my heavy breathing and me sucking on my fingers has him now wanting to come with me. I thought I had too much to drink that the two beers would stop me but hearing him getting worked up made me wetter. And with that I started, my wave. Coming. I slowed my circles and pulled back some pressure to keep the orgasm going until he came. I just kept going. Climbing. Riding. Writhing. I can hear him building up as I held on to my wave. His breathing quickens and then he reached his peak. As a good sub would, I moaned if I could finish cuming, he said yes. (Dom work there and he didn't realize it) With that my stomach muscles started to relax and my shaking thighs started to slow down also starting to relax. Catching heavy breaths, he said he needed this. I laughed said me to every week. Feels good to have a weekly release. With someone else. Breaths caught, and conversation turned to about meeting up. What would work. I told him I wanted him all to myself all weekend. If we met in our hometown could he hide for the weekend or would be easier for him to fly where I live and stay with me for a weekend at a hotel. Spring break or summer and he's got an upcoming surgery. He wants to see me just as bad. Silence. No one wants to get off the phone. He breaks the quiet wanting to know if I can talk to him tomorrow. Yes I can. And with that we hung up. I'm lying on my stomach, my shirt is partly off, lights and heat is off in my studio/she shed and I'm lying here. The music reached it's end as we got off the phone. Complete silence. Just me partially nude and my thoughts. Exposed thoughts. I wanted to tell him I love him as we got off the phone; unsure if it was just from an old habit or because I did. I really have missed him so much. With that tears fall. My after coming cry that he can get from me starts. He would hold me. Twenty years later and he's still managed to make me have a good cry and he's not even here with me. Instead, we are hundreds of miles apart. until the flip~ don't fucking waiting 20 years to flip anything |
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |