There is a bubbling back story going on behind the scenes of this site. It's not just about sex, fantasy and personal developments. There are also drafts here about the people I meet along the way. My journey finding a "Dom" is the main story I've been keeping track of and will at a much later time, share. I knew I didn't want to just have a sexual partner I wanted growth within myself. Growth in any form be it intellectual or sexual experiences, but really needed and wanted spiritual and psychological growth. I was in hope of a cerebral/spiritual connection. This is a portion of my diary piece about my current Dom...Meta. I wrote to my kitten friend I met through a mentor. I feel it is important enough in my growth, becoming undone and rebuilt, that I wanted to share now rather than later. All day yesterday I was reflective. He's psychologically intense, behavior modification for my betterment and role play kink keeping sexual play. I feel like a filly he's breaking me in; breaking me and having me build myself up. I've been undoing myself this past year but have needed another counterpart to help me with the remainder which is my sexual self. Can't discover too much with masturbation; it's sexual exploration with other people that removes layers. And it,s him. And my psyche this morning upon waking had this song (Confidence by Oscar Scheller and Ashnikko) playing my head. I could cry from revelations. Last night I cried because I lost faith in myself. My instinct was to pick him. My gut telling me to follow him. My head wanting to get in the way fought this. I cried knowing he is the one to show me a mirror and it would be difficult inner work. Cried he found me. Some of the lyrics to the song... [Verse 2: Ashnikko] Why am I so insufferably mean to myself? Why do I go the long way round when you offer help? Wouldn’t it be so damn easy if I could be the queen you see me as? They say you grow, but I can’t seem to lay my roots down [Pre-Chorus: Ashnikko & Oscar Scheller] And when I was a kid, I was top of the mountain All my confidence was flowing like fountains I don’t know how I’ve gone so long without it [Bridge: Ashnikko & Oscar Scheller] Tell me what is confidence Is it something I can find? Hero on a noble quest Slay the dragon, save a life I’m no damsel in distress Only I can save me Unafraid to be a mess So I face it bravely Chorus: Ashnikko & Oscar Scheller] With a little bit of confidence I could break the fourth wall down With a little bit of confidence I could turn the world around Step away from hurt and then watch it all fall down With a little bit of confidence Cause that’s All I need All I need Yeah, yeah Casey, Ashton, et al. “Oscar Scheller (Ft. Ashnikko) – Confidence.” Genius, 6 Sept. 2019, genius.com/Oscar-scheller-confidence-lyrics.
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |