This was from session #59 Still in a high yummy state after an almost 2.5 hour cock worship the other night. I will make my usual highlights later but I have thoughts about my session during this afterglow.
I am so horny right now as I am writing, I can cum again, and will. Societal and religious conditioning really had me always focusing on an 'end'. Lead a good life now and salvation in the end. I dated to find someone to marry and have a family; the end. Always an ending, an end result. Not enough or any focus or teaching me how to just be and enjoy people. To enjoy the experience I have when I share my time and attention with another. Last night I really did let go of any end. It was our second play since his return from a 6 week trip. The first session a few days ago, I was excited and getting reacquainted with his legs, his balls and his cock. Almost lost myself to the ‘excitement’ of missing him and cockworship. Last night however, I was in body with my attention on our energies together, fully receptive to the experience. I wasn't in past thoughts of how much I missed him nor in future thoughts of the discomfort I could experience if I no longer worshipped his cock. I was so fully present, time was becoming non-existent to me or became less linear. I’ve never experienced sex magick or ritualist sex but feel maybe that was close to it. It was a dual experience; an out of body and in body experience for me. It was as if my divine being was recognizing and appreciating his divine being by creating a chemical and energetic reaction with our earthly bodies. Fucking beautiful! My brain, however, is still wanting to hold onto some end wanting to create certainty. So what if in our session I felt a duality just like an out of body and in body experience. But using the concept of time I can help the brain remove the worries of endings and uncertainties. Jumbling up time I can purposely create and recreate the imprinting of a memory; I’m already in my future looking back to my past. So when I go to my play sessions, I'm looking fondly back to my past reminding myself to enjoy the present. There is no ending, it’s me always creating. In play, when I know he’s close to cumming, I start to think about when our next play will happen as the current one is ending. However, as I found my thoughts beginning to drift down that path again, I pulled myself back and welcomed the experience of him; receiving him and enjoying this moment. It was as if my future self was reminding me to be still. Stay seated the ride is now; sit and swallow. Swallow, I did a few times as he shot a hot load that hit the back of my throat and filled my mouth! I was fully present feeling the hotness of his cum explode down my throat. I am right now whispering thoughts of “Good girl” for being and having been so fully present enjoying the experience!
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#38 12/29/20 38 swallows
As the dutiful suc (submissive under consideration) I keep track of days, times, places, sessions, swallow number and amount of time...currently almost 64 hours. Wow! 64 hours of my life has been mostly on my knees for Him. Worshiping His cock. He had me to, initially and sometimes still, write and document our play sessions. I may even put together an anthology. This is one of the nights that I almost did not save and one I had difficulties with because of my filters that are in my head skewing reality. It was a really good connected session I want to share...I omitted personal information but otherwise left the document in it’s raw form unless I felt a need to add an explanation for the reader….but here is a glimpse into our play sessions. ~~~ Wow. Lucky girl, double header….good girl, suc I am lucky! I was busy finishing last night’s assignment and had the toy on my clit for about an hour when I heard the chime….it’s pavlov reacting now, that chime. I hear it and my pussy clenches or if I don’t have the toy on/in I’m scrambling to find it! Network issues. You drop off then come back asking me if I remembered what the name of two games played back to back is; double header. Then asked if I showered….I’m getting my hopes up. Pants on I like unwrapping my gift. (He more often than not is nude from the waist down-quick easy access this way, however with my asmr I love hearing sounds and love touching different fabrics and the contrast between fabrics and flesh and the fuck it’s like unwrapping my gift when he’s dressed!) You noticed handle bars back (He calls my pigtails His handlebars) Scent...even after having you the previous night, when I entered your car and the wall of your scent hit me, I reacted the same as if I had been away from you for days; this surprised me. You want to try something- I'm going to almost domme you, initiate, use you for cock worship. Funny because after I left our previous play I said aloud while driving home, “I want to seduce him.” I kept you in your pants for a while, playing with my senses; dialed down deeply (oy like that alliteration!) feeling divot-like sensations while slowly dragging my fingertips across your pants. Ears perking up to listen to the sounds my fingers on the gift wrap were making… Lots of slow licks, sucks and kisses doing my favorites; while writing this my mouth now comes alive seemingly with muscle memory of my mouth lightly on your tip, my lips barely touching as I pull off and slide back on. Using your cock to massage my mouth, feather touch my tongue and lightly brush against my lips... Very vocal Oh god You said you saw God I set out in the universe I wanted to ‘seduce’ you. Use you. My boobs all over you blindfolded again (for about 4 or 5 months every time we played we were blindfolded including the first time we met) My energy with your cock, I wasn’t with Godcock, I wasn’t with ‘cock’....I felt I was with you and your masculinity...ahhh delicious feeling to fully be open, receiving. Enjoying the ‘beauty of man’, a man- you. My feminine energy was desiring to give you the space to embrace your masculine essence and be fully in my permission embracing reactions, yours and mine. I have a female friend that knows just a little surface information about my writing but that’s it. I shield myself when I see or talk with her because her being is filled with negativity towards men, overgeneralized ideas and assumptions. I see a lot now on ‘this side’ how I too had been filled with an us versus them mentality. That invisible line will never bring people together. Last night while in my comfortable space, it just felt really good to not have those thoughts. To be enveloped in your energy; appreciating this masculinity that comes from you not what society deems what a man should be but I could really ‘feel’ your ownership of masculinity. And also could feel your feminine energy, your receptivity, tenderness and surrendering. Then something wonderful filled me, at the time of writing this I may edit if I remember exactly, but I think when my head was resting on your thigh and you were soft in my mouth, I was in this relaxed state of being with your being. I was having these ideas of your masculine and feminine energy floating in and out of my mind when it dissolved and I recognized union, a warm homeostatic balance of your energies. Yet there was no defining separation of a masculine or feminine; just being. My boobs on your knees. My boobs everywhere on you. My boobs and you I *like*. When you were close and told me to slow down- ahhh then you came so much ;-Q We sat there for almost another 30 min. I was just grounding myself in goofy smiles. And something came over me, a strong want to touch and caress your legs. Massage your thighs. I relaxed into this undulating energy in me and I started to get aroused. I had a strong desire to have you again in my mouth. You were saying things and whispering I couldn't hear or understand and didn't fully need to know as I was having my moment. I was enjoying this wave rising in me. Eventually you got up, pressed your hand onto my breast - pushed me away. Haha it wasn't rejection it was a compliment, I had to be stopped! It was a good experiment. |
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |