One of the Desperate House Wives said something to the effect, "If you're gonna hijack a Ferrari better know how to drive one." Okay dv had his voice going for him and also in his favor is that I haven't had sex in 8 years; if you starving you gonna think a saltine cracker is some grade A beef. This was never about him. He just happened to be at the right place right time, my ticking time bomb was ready to explode from anyone. I sure to shit hope he doesn't think this writing creation is some weird tribute in his honor or he thinks I'm pining breathlessly waiting for his reappearance.
I'd wish all of this to not have happened if I legit scared him in some way whether he thought I had feelings or thought of me as a stalker; that would suck and I'd feel super shitty about my behavior. When I went back to his pic, major face palm. He's so young. What was I thinking? So, this was my dark, well part of my dark. The moment was fun, I saw an opportunity, took it and ran with it. I drove myself. He was the sexy voiced young valet that brought me my Ferrari back to me, I handled the rest. I was a Nascar Craftsman Truck series geek girl. I have an actual Nascar tire from a Craftsman truck Andy Houston- (I just wanted a Chevy tire I wasn't his fan)and countless collector items. I drove myself from Sacramento to Auto Club Speedway formally called California Speedway to watch the event alone. My bf didn't want to go the race which was in 1998; likely the year dv was born. Oh my. Okay, still no regrets. The memory of his voice is completely gone, along with any future fantasies. I'm already to start a belly dancing class then a pole class; both forms of dancing are sexy and expressive and I have always loved to dance. Too bad most of all my partners hated to dance and/or were bad dancers. But this will be just for me. I also will continue to write, to release my sexual energies and I've been thinking of including my past hot escapades. A running yellow flag in a race is a green flag and yellow flag waving together. Means race is being restarted but under caution. Because I'm still open for inspiration, the green flag to go. Yellow flag to remind myself my next inspiration has got to be at least in their 30's. Can't take themselves too seriously; this is just for fucking, fantasy for fucks sakes. I haven't deleted delicious voice, as a gaming friend. I don't have the heart to delete people; just seems so final. Deleting him would make me feel like all of this was just made up, and I don't want that; the brief moment was real not a fantasy.We haven't played FO76 together since the "episode" and last month he tossed me a "it's chill" bullshit. With him, I'm good. I will remain in my lane. Good girl, now... ...for the next course and this time with a seasoned driver. ;)
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...in my head...
It's Wednesday and I'm with my friend online. She and I had made plans for some girl game time. I hadn't played with her either for a few weeks; I missed her too. She recognizes he's on. Shit it's DV...and she sends an invite to him to our chat party and to the team. My breath is knocked out of me as I see his gamertag join the team. Trying to be nonchalant I throw out a, "Halo halo". My stomach drops when I finally hear his forgotten sexy voice. Wow, how could I forget? I've got chills. He simply says, "Hello." Biting my lip, I reply with a soft, trying too hard to be chill, sarcastic nerdy tone, "I see the Bat-Signal worked." I can hear his smirk as he softly says, "It did." I smile. Every muscle in my stomach tightens up in excitement. My friend as usual is in deep the FO76 world. But did she pick up on the tension? She pipes in, "Well time to break things and kill some shit." We then head off to fulfill one of her missions. Turns out he had been watching from afar for awhile. After about half an hour she then says she's tired and getting to bed. "Love ya gurl!" I happily add, "Love ya too gurl, g'night. See ya later." With that she's gone. I'm alone with him. An intoxicating awkward silence appears. Fucking finally. I try to maintain composure and ask him. "Well then, play to come or come to play?" Is that a nervous laugh from him? I can hear him swallow and then he confidently responds, "Both." "Well then." I say. "I've got rules." "Interesting. Go on." he replies. With a soft demanding tone practically in one breath I say, "1. Two sessions a month. Not every 31 days bullshit. This is the calendar month. Meaning if I've heard from you twice in April you do not grace me with your presence until next month, May." I pause for a breath and continue, " 2. The two sessions, in no particular order, as I would like it to be organic are as follows. One session just regular gaming. I may seem like a feminist but find the damsel in distress is in fact sexy." I catch my breath and add, "Especially when you come in at the nick of time to save me from the fucking mole miners or any other baddie." I hear a soft breathy chuckle from him. I think he's getting turned on as much as I am from these rules. I continue, "I like playing the game with you and your voice drives me fucking nuts. Which brings me to the other session...well because your voice is hot, I'd love to release with you present. If you know what I mean." "Of course." he states, in an obedient tone. Shit, I'm thinking, I knew the rules would turn me on and me telling him about the rules I knew would turn me on. The fuck, however I hadn't counted on him getting excited which was making me hotter. I figured he'd like them. Wait a minute. He may have mentioned choking to me when we had our episode, but, I think he's got a sub side to him. After our first meeting, I felt some electricity from him after I told him he was going to help me. With. All. Of. The workshops. For a second I felt, oh I crossed a line as he was silent. I was taking charge, maybe he wasn't use to that and it caught him off guard; his excitement surprised even him. I'm thinking the young women or girls these days seem to be all about themselves and super superficial. The guys must have extra pressure to be the one to get the girl's attention long enough to get her off her phone and away from her filtered selfies. Must be exhausting to have to compete with these superficial egos. So, it has to feel good to him, for a woman to come into the picture to say what she wants, no games (well technically...) but state she also needs him. Needs. Demands. So maybe a sub? Composed I continue with my demands; the rules...as I stated previously, I'm keeping them close to my size D breasts, only for my sub. ;)
Open Prime Music and first song is...Radiohead "Creep". Hilarious. The Universe knows why I'm here, writing. My escape. My outlet. It of course was going to be about DV, but unfortunately there isn't new material and won't hold my breath, unless it was from cumming hard, that there will be new material. I mean come on. Although the thought of me writing that I will for certain have a game time play date with my female friend this Wednesday at 7pm pst and him seeing this would bring about his quiet resurface, does in fact start to turn me on.
But I'm putting myself in his shoes, oooh my new cotton candy pink nails tapping at the keyboard looks nice under the dim dinning room light...drifting. If I was in my early twenties and an older man took a fancy (is that an old word) to our encounters, strictly through the computer and I had the ability to just about any time excite him; shit I'd probably crumble from the power. Then again maybe genders handle sexual prowess differently. I'd definitely take advantage of it on a bad self confidence day. Trying to think of my ex at 21 and how'd he'd handle this. Cocky, he'd play; he loved when others checked him out showing him an interest. Oh shit, memories are coming back, he fucking loved (and I did too) hiding in the closet watching me pleasure myself. But I had to be talking about him as if he was spying on me fantasizing about him and getting myself off. So this is of no help. At that age life is taken too seriously, maybe not life, but experiences are taken too seriously. I was too much, too aggressive. Maybe he thought I had developed fe...nope won't speak for others. With a shiny new toy I was too eager to play again. Maybe I took the experience too seriously, initially. Point is sorry no. new. dv. material. I wish I had something to add. You don't want to hear how once I spent an hour rereading All Things DV in order and worked myself up into a tingly warm smile that I then had to master myself. Inspiration, my eyes are open. My psychiatrist at the end of my last appointment asked if I write. I see her to help with my medications and cannabis for Panic Disorder. I choked out an audible,"no" as thoughts of my erotica that I felt compelled to write, along with dv, popped into my head. Making mental note I probably should discuss all of this with her or at least with my therapist. She adds, "Oh, you should write. It will get yourself out of your head and focused on something else. Just describing a scene; 'the water gently laps at the side of the boat in the Sound', forces your attention onto something else and out of body." "Ahhh that really took me out through the window and onto the water." I replied with an internal smirk thinking about the naughty thoughts I had because of someone else's head. "Yeah, I will look into that." So, no new material. I'm just letting inspiration take place. Surprisingly found it the other night watching Youtube. No, not Redtube, although I should make the switch from Xvideos. When I watch porn it's specific soft types. I don't want to burn out my dopamine receptors that will eventually require blood and gore to get me off. I was watching Theo Von's podcast with Nikki Glaser. I love his comedy but really not a fan of hers, however, on This Past Weekend an almost two hour session has me turned. I haven't even finished the episode. The entire conversation was sexual in nature and at first they've got their professional talk face. However within the hour, seemed these two were squirming. Or maybe it was just me. Two things I learned in the first hour I watched: the term 'edging' and The Womanizer. Fuck isss on. Nikki was describing her sex toy, The Womanizer. It's for the clit. Makes perfect sense. If the penis is just an overgrown clit why wouldn't the clitoris want to be sucked. Not spanked, rubbing is okay but sucking that could make her squirt, or at least have a mind blowing orgasm. I'm not a prude but this is something I never explored or even thought about expressing to a lover. I had no idea. Ahhhh, so I had to learn about this. I had to see this. I had to watch this in action. I love watching girl v toys and the "hysterical" readings just on regular Youtube. I would love to do one but not on camera for the world, hmmm how long does snap record? ;) I loathe they use the word 'hysterical' for a woman's orgasm. Not in the funny sense but just sounds like a 50's slang demeaning term to describe an uncontrollable woman. Okay, so just the look of the toy alone was exciting me. Palm size with a rubber suctioned opening on one end. Honestly looks like a small pipe, cannabis is pleasing. The women in the videos using the toy seemed to enjoy it and appeared it wasn't an act. The second thing I learned, well I've known but didn't know the proper search term, is 'edging'. Delaying orgasm. I accidentally discovered this through a massage. The chiropractor was using a professional two handed medi massager. My lower back was giving me problems so prior to the adjustment he was using the massager to loosen my muscles. My first visit to a chiropractor in years wasn't sure of what to expect. The heavy machine was pressed hard against my lower back. Then moved in small, slow circles. He pressed it firmly against the sides of my hips. I love ass play. The vibration on my hips was making my ass cheeks shake. Ah fuck. I was trying not to think about how good not only my back was feeling but my ass was enjoying this. Right on my ass crack, the intergluteal cleft, he drove that machine down. The pressure forced my mound to push harder into the table and the vibration awoken my clit. I felt nervous, "oh shit am I going to cum? Right here on the table? Is he going to notice?" So I kept thinking about football. Anything else than the intense labia humming that was going on from the heated machine that was seriously vibrating my pussy. Thoughts kept running. How to stop thinking about cumming. I would get close to an orgasm... and then quick! Think about the Seahawk 49'er game 25/23; I used to be all "nothing finer than a 49'er" until I saw a game at Candlestick Park and loved the tenacity of the Hawks. Too bad this massage happened before Hawks released my boy Sherman and he went to the 9'ers, shit that would've for sure stopped this orgasm in it's tracks. It hurts to watch Hawks play against 49'ers. Phew okay. No orgasm. The pressure. The vibration. My clitoris is swelling. I can feel it as it's pressing hard against the table being squished between my full lips. I'm so close. Keep still. Force the legs to remain still. It's hard work to keep from cumming. Don't move maybe it's almost over. The buzzing of the machine, it's taunting me. Teasing me. Humming me into cumming. What else can I think of?Don't think of how nice it would be if I could possibly have a 'quiet' orgasm. Is it possible? I keep getting close it's hurting. Now I feel like I can't avoid it. The orgasm will happen. I need to get on top of it. If I'm not in control of it I could easily give myself away. Shit so close almost. Can I have an orgasm without him noticing? Okay, keep legs tight. Pressed against the table hard. Focus on not moving. Don't give yourself away. It's here, I can't, can't, can't, hold baaaack. I feel a warm wave start inside my vagina, it pulses outward creating a ripple. At the same time I feel my stomach drop, like on a roller coaster ride. At the very top as the car stops it's quiet. Just your heart beating rapidly. The air, something feels like it gets pulled out of you as you float up for a millisecond and then fall into your stomach. This time I couldn't let my legs shudder from my orgasm aftershocks. Oh, my gawd this felt amazing. I'm wet now thinking about this. This I learned was edging. The getting close to cumming and then not cumming. Close to cumming then not being able to cum. Finally the welcome permissible release. Getting to the edge. Hard to edge myself though unless someone else was directing me. Well, I of course then had to use my new search term. Tip toed to my laundry room with new found material I had to make myself cum. The same room I had fantasies of dv was of me now getting excited over the sexual tension between Nikki Glaser and Theo Von (or my fantasy of sexual tension because it was fresh in mind from dv), The Womanizer and the term 'edging'. I knew my writings wouldn't be all about dv, just thought I'd get another chapter with the experience. See, there are other things I can write about that are erotic and turn me on, this is after all about me cumming undone. Had to switch from grunge, it was starting to depress me, to my youtube playlist(by all means please give me more suggestions for my dirty dirty playlist). Ending on 50 Cent "Just A Lil Bit". Ah shit. I distinctly remember talking about this song with dv, I brought up, "oh yeah what was that song... what was it, clothes off, face down..." I knew all the words, just wanted to hear him say, "Clothes off, face down, ass up. Just a lil bit..." He then added, "You want jus a lil bit?" My reply was a hitched breath and a blush, "oh fuuuuck." Whelp, guess I wasn't done with DV fantasies, albeit the memory of his voice is gone. :( Back to the laundry room. I am wwwwwet. ;) until the flip...
Weight of headset on me like the downward force of a strong hand gently guiding my head while fucking my mouth.
Ear pads softly cupping my ears covering them both as I wished his hands were cupping me. I tug gently at the microphone slowly pulling down towards my hot breath. Red long finger nail slides switch position to on . Click. I can hear my deep breaths in anticipation envelope my ears rhythmically. Stereo. Heart racing. Waiting. Hands sweating. Other end starts up, I hear something. Begins to penetrate. Feels behind me. His voice, whispers, deep, soft. Commands. "Get over here I want to play with you."
(Listening to Dave Matthews "Crash Into Me") She lost her virginity Grey; excuse my sarcastic tone-they made love. Eye roll. The first 23 times with the guy that said we'd get married, I swore I was suppose to be a nun. It was awful. He was naive and awful. He was boring. I'm currently bored and in need of play. Crave some play. My out of state trip uneventful -all but family emergencies with immediate family in tow. Playing tourist was fun. Even the weather was dumb.
Now heading home my mind returns to DV. I know I said I didn't want to hear his voice and let my fantasy of him live on, but I long for a lip biting blush that only he gave. Be slowly fed double entendres, while taking a delicious few seconds to decide if talk was gaming talk or something else. Dirty. Biting my lower lip. In the back of the quiet van due to others sleeping or busy driving, I could, if the situation were to arise relieve some pressure. No one would know. Lap my blanket and just look out the window to see if the stranger in the next car would notice. Ahhh, memories of car self pleasuring sessions. I had a '78 blue Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme-sparkle blue with a sunroof. I used the cruise control for the purpose of not for what it was intended! I loved warm city summer nights. As said before, with all of my dates, I'd have to make myself cum first. Before meeting up with my boyfriend I'd open the sun roof and set her to cruise. The warm winds and summer smells filled the car while I slid my right hand down my panties. (ahhh that word dv said so nicely but can't remember) A semi truck beside me, not sure if anyone could see me or that I cared, made me hotter. The thought of getting caught. Enough freeway and light traffic I didn't have to worry about having to hurry my climax. It was too much anyhow, I'm wet just thinking about that time. My jeep, however has no cruise control, and was a little harder to orgasm in. A particular drive from Mt. Shasta to Sacramento my boyfriend, at the time, sitting in the passenger seat was just watching wondering what I was up to. I wanted his attention and to get him hard as I planned to off road to have a quick fuck. I loved my roll bars. Hanging onto them while sliding my ass down onto his cock, man I love those bars. Trying to make myself cum while driving- the winding roads, foot on gas and one hand on wheel, felt dangerous; he had to take the wheel to make sure we didn't crash- I came quickly. Tonight thinking about these 'trips' started to get me hot and wet. As much as I'd love the challenge to see if a stranger in another car could see me have an orgasm it was getting dark and we were close to home. I'd rather tonight just have my excitement build. As much as I'd hate to admit this, DV won't be back and his delicious fading voice will soon be gone from memory. I have this 50 Shades book to at least warm me up and keep me warm...but just seems every time I try to get into it my mind wanders somewhere else. Maybe the only chance this book has with me is, if and when DVs voice and memory did in fact fade. After the fade then the shade. Ahhh booo-cheezy mcgreasy- Tried and failed at word play, fade/50 Shades. I'm thinking is must've been DV, I'm horrible at the game. Fucking beautiful fates- fades out with Dave Matthews "Say Goodbye"... "Just for an evening When we make our passion pictures You and me twist up Secret creatures And we'll stay here Tomorrow go back to being friends..." I hope we can go back to being friends, I have rules now so players know their positions and how to play. I doubt his silence is part of the 'the hot game' to get me worked up with anticipation; although that would be a cool fucking trick. "Sweet dreams" ...I return with a jumbled comment that hears more like, "Okay bae" I think it was a mixture of good-bye talk later = bye+later came out as bae...twisted. He had me. So I've got nothing until the flip, no pulling anything to the side, nothing kept up or telling anyone stay slow-tonight it will be just an "Okay 'bae'" ;) Sweet dreams... |
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |