The cello
Beautiful wood In between my legs Using my hands and fingers To pluck and bow strings Manipulating Making it release Deep quick Long drawn out moans And cries
0 Comments
I have been sexually spent, odd because I haven't had sex. In the interim I want to add book reviews since I joined a book club. A woman's book club and was assured we actually read and will discuss the books. Our first meeting is this Friday the 28th. I'm excited, I look forward to hanging out with like minded individuals talking about sex and this delicious first book that was chosen; the book Wicked Fall by Sawyer Bennett. I'm of old school and prefer physical books over digital books. However, with Amazon Fire it's interesting to see what the popular highlights are. The things I highlight however are vastly different from the cute romantic cliches that are popularly highlighted. I'm looking for descriptive sentences and different ways to explain an event. One of my highlighted sentences, "He nips at my lower lip, swipes hard at my tongue, and growls into my mouth." Wow! I'm there. This sentence is so greatly descriptive. I sigh while my pussy twitches wishing I could have him growl into my mouth. To have a kiss like that; if you can't kiss, you in trouble with me. However, if you've got other things I'm after I will over look it and be filled with pleasure teaching you how to kiss me proper. Another great kissing scene, "I got her off with fast and practiced fingers while I kissed her deeply to swallow her cries." Another wow. Specifically, "swallow her cries" makes my heart flutter. Furthermore in the next paragraph, "Getting her off and watching her come was one of the sexiest things I've ever seen..." These are the items that I highlight. Who doesn't want to be not only watched while cumming but thought it's sexy! "...he sucks down every bit of vocal gratification that comes rushing out of me." I'm clearly in a kissing vibe tonight. How is "That's my girl,..." not a popular highlight? These are just in the first six chapter. This book alternates between the main two characters telling the story. I can appreciate the perspectives but by my highlights, my favorites are mostly from the male's perspective. Just means I clearly need to be pounded by a male. One of my favorite highlights in chapter 9, The male character speaks about the her being so "fucking tight". "Although my need to invade her swiftly is almost painful, I take tiny stabs into her body. Inch in, inch out. Working my way in increments letting her body adjust to me." Fucking hot. Eight years since I had sex, this here is why I can't wait. Taking him inside me, slowly letting him fill me up while feeling my muscles relax to his cock helping take him in. Ah gah. I'm getting wet. I don't know what these reviews will look like. Maybe I should include my favorite go to sections that help get me off. The threesome scene surprised me. When he was so jealous watching her getting pounded by another man his dick got hard being so enraged. I could see how anger just like fear could incite sexual arousal. My favorite scene that I think could get me off (night is still young) is when he took her to the sex club and she became aroused watching the threesome. He notices she's aroused which in turn excites him to the point he takes her outside up against a wall to have her. "I'm not one to be playful and flirty during my fucking, but she draws a smile out of me anyway as I rotate my hips and push her hard into the wall so I can grind against her. She gasps, eyes roll back and I'm satisfied. Then... I fuck her." Ah shit that's the stuff right there. My pussy aching, needing to be walked backwards to a wall. Legs get weak with memories of once being walked backwards upon. Then after I cum he fucks me.
I will certainly give this book a good three finger fuck. Now I have some business to tend to-smiling because I feel like I'm coming back. Until the flip- I will flip a page for now. Deflated.
So three times this fucking month. Once last month. What goes up must come down. The dick gets hard and then it gets flaccid. Ain't no shame. Hold two minutes, and another emotion will replace the feeling of wanting to hold my heavy sad head in my scared little hands. Then tic the shit away. I've been wanting to write some more fantasy but been feeling stuck. Stuck on other fucking narratives that aren't even sexy for fuck's sake. I need to get my head out of bullshit boring stories and back into fucking, dick worshiping, pussy worshiping and other items that my one and only dom, I did have for a minute, had listed on a questionnaire. I had to google some of this shit, shit which by the way there is a scat play kink. Uh, that is for certain my hard no. *** Update to this as the above was written last night, not only did I not get out of my head I went deep up in there. Worst case scenarios playing in my head feeling vulnerable and exposed. I should've recognized how the night was going to end; I kind of suspected which is why I brought my vibrator out with me to the studio. Had planned for the evening it would be just me and some porn or even reread the special highlighted sections in Wicked Fall but instead I decided to get aboard the crazy train to pity'ville. Not sexy at fucking all. Even took it further and left a crying voice message to my flame telling him I wanted to tap out thinking he isn't into 'this' as much as I am. I am too much even for myself. Conversation this morning, I retracted my tap out. Stressed already and my facetime with him last Saturday had me feeling vulnerable. My morning and evening routines have almost disappeared and I need this to be the forefront of my mind to keep me on track with my lines. Sad thoughts of thinking I probably need to get back on my medication; realized this is just doubt talking trying to continue last night's narrative. I know what I need to do to get myself out of this funk. Just do it. Until the flip~ don't wait for the flip, do it yourself. First family therapy appointment went exactly how I thought it would. My tics would flare, only this time they flamed up as his fucking bullshit barometer. I couldn't even look at him. Two different people here. Granted his first therapy appointment in his life, and therapy sucks. I have been in therapy since my first suicide attempt and alcohol abuse at 15. Consistently in therapy since my brother died. All these years even now I dread some appointments; the work having to sort and face the thoughts in my head.
But, to blatantly sugar coat shit. I had to speak out and up against this a few times. Cried because I was hearing pathetic too late attempts to save anything. I was the one that tried for the sake of the family to save the relationship. Cried also because I was grateful nothing was done. I've been over this relationship likely when it began. I know better to should on myself and I won't. So, here I am. I am being an adult and taking care of what needs to be done. There is no wiping the slate clean and moving forward as he suggested I gave that chance 8 years ago. That slate has long been gone. It doesn't have to be complicated. However where ego is involved this can get convoluted. My ego is set aside. I hope he can put his aside for our child's sake. I'm already seeing two extremes: defensiveness and a pathetic victim that is suddenly alert to the fire that has already burned through the town leaving nothing but charred remains behind. How does he think he can bring life to that? It's been gone. A friend of mine offered advice, she said one regret she had when she divorced her children's ex was she didn't honor her children's father. She was caught up in the back forth anger. I get it. And remind myself to see him as my child's dad and find patience but it's so difficult. Harder still when I feel I have already left. Tics and all, with my ego set aside I shall remain with my eye on the prize. My prize is my happiness. No more am I sacrificing myself just because I have a child. No more am I keeping myself in this because others envisioned this life for me. This relationship worked in the beginning because it was who I was and what I wanted at the time. But no longer am I checked out and afraid. The fear of losing myself again is greater than the ease of getting back on medications and checking out. Is this the precipice that I wrote about? I knew I was on the edge of something. Staring down into a great view. Would I jump? Would I run and jump? How far down will I fall before pulling the ripcord? It doesn't even need to be a dramatic cliff overlooking a breathtaking picture worthy scene. I'm moving forward. I've been moving this past year. Now I'm going forward. Feels fantastic. I have an idea of what's shining in the horizon and smile when I think about it, regardless my spirit is happy. Cliche as it may sound chains are breaking away. Besides chains should be used for fun in the bedroom. Relationship status: not complicated. When it's over it's over time to move on. I think I've mentioned before about keeping an energy calendar. My mood yesterday was low and worse today. Low energy and zero sexual energy. Sucks. But I guess with every force there are waxing and waning periods. My card today Unfinished Symphony; don't quit before the finish line and Spirit wants 'this' for me- to not overthink things. I almost threw in the towel. I have been so used to it going a certain way it would be less painful now to jump ship than not have it go anywhere.
But I think that's when it's time to just drop anchor and sit. Enjoy the moment. How's the view? No thinking, just being. Becoming still is okay. Good to just sit and be, let that energy refill. Belly dance class yesterday was nice and challenging. I felt so out of place though. It wasn't that I didn't feel I belonged, there was such a disconnect between my body and my mind. I had been letting my morning routines fall away, my meditation is one routine that helps me keep body and mind connected; remain grounded. For days my chakra rocks have my Root Chakra showing as blocked. Family can be a good source for grounding. All but one is out of state. I have a brother I plan to see next month. It would be good to just take a break from my day to day, take a nice long drive and hang out for the weekend or just a quick overnight trip. We used to watch Japanese horror/psychological thrillers and hang out. I love Takashi Miike's films like "Audition" it's an amazing mind fuck. It's a beautiful day here. My chakra rocks again say I need some grounding and meditation to ask what I want to manifest in my life. I should go hug a tree and whisper how I would like spirit's help to guide. I wish they would answer me back with direction; I don't share everything on here and need a place to share my good manifestations. until the flip~ wait for a sign |
cum hear me on my podcastCategories
All
Archives
May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |