2/25/20 3 of 3 that should've been posted sooner...protecting someone's feelings. damn. dumb. oh well. I was spent. After my rapid succinct cum sessions, because of cub, I was drained. The dopamine levels hit high with him and just as quickly left. Feeling very drained, depressed, and deflated. I told him what happened and I needed a break, I wasn't ghosting. He responded nicely with, something like, sure thing do you. Yeah not as cool and mature as I thought. Not his fault his brain isn't fully grown until 26. So maybe next cub will have to be at least 26.
I thought wow, okay maybe all is good but then came in the dic pics. Thoroughly enjoyed, however I needed a break not a continuance of dopamine highs. So after the third or fourth, likely he snapped to all just catching a fish, I didn't open. I couldn't open. But then wanted to make sure he didn't take it personally so I hit him up on Facebook. Telling him that something about him or something he does gets me super high but then I crash after. I just need a couple days to recuperate. I even sent him a link to a book about Shibari. I had mentioned rope tying because he sent me a pic of girl in forearm restraints. He said he'd learn for me. After I sent the link I couldn't sit still and keep my eyes to myself so I peeked at his snap. Wow. Damn. Pretty pretty dick. Commented on it that he makes taking a break too hard on me....automatic reply says "pending friend request". I hopped back to Facebook and told him that him unfriending me hurt. But still, I will keep my word and not block him, ghost him or unfriend him. However, if he wanted back in my good graces he has to work for it this time. He has to learn a rope trick then send me video and I would reward him equally. Yes, it was a good attempt on my part. I had to let him know I don't get played when I play; just fucking play. Now I have plenty of time to fantasize about what I would do if in fact he did call me on my bluff and send me a video of some rope trick. Yeah, a bluff because I don't know what I would do. I told him that sort of thing has to be done with someone I trust and he's shown his word is shit. So how could I trust him if I used a safe word that he'd actually listen and respond appropriately. Also his follow through sucks so I'm not holding my breath. He can play with his instagrabs; anyone can rub one out to pretty much anything but I am looking for mind fucking and play. I can read a book and get off. Speaking of which I will have to add another book review. The new book I'm reading has some scenes I didn't think would work me up but has me lusting with desire! mmmmm MFM and light gang bangs...oh my! Until the flip~ learn a rope trick
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2 of 3 posts saved in drafts for a later time...time is now. :) 2/25/20 After the "Heaven" audio/video he said he wanted to see me. I knew this. But it was too dark for one and for two this round is on a timer. His timer. I sent an audio telling him he should know no matter what girl breaks his heart, his dick should get hard knowing he made some cougar's pussy thaw after 8 years. A good ego boost for anyone and it was true. Although I suspect he's the one that fuck punches and bails. He ain't sticking around long enough to get his heart involved in anything. He said he loves hearing me cum. Maybe true but when during a previous ghosting period he said he can call anybody to hear them cum that he wanted to watch me. I don't bend to threats. But I happily accept the compliment this time. We sext back and forth. I asked about the last time he had his cock worshiped, because I miss worshiping someone's dick. I loved blow jobs. Even more fun when the penis is pretty. We work each other up some more. I'm wanting to come again and this time not let it run out from under me but ride the wave. He really wants to see me cum and he wants me to call out his name. He doesn't care whether it's my face or my pussy that he's watching. He just wants to see me. I want this, I want so badly to hear his voice again. Ticking timer; this may just push the ghosting sooner. I need to tease this out a bit. He's really getting worked up with my dick worship talk. I'm vibrating, and my legs are shaking. I tell him I'm currently in the kitchen near the infamous oven and he says he wants to get me over his oven when I see him. A full circle event, the first time he made me cum was on my knees holding tightly to the oven practically tearing it from the wall listening to him. Then have an actual physical encounter our first fucking would be over his oven. With that comment from him, I need to get out of here and cum. The visual is too much, I told him give me five minutes I can sneak out to the drum room. With that I grabbed my tablet for music, and my phone. I grab my trusty poncho and head to the drum room. Unlocked the room but hurried back to the house and spent an extra few frantic minutes trying to find my headphones with a mic. Found it finally and settled myself in the room. Propped the phone up, found some sexy music and opened my snap. My heart fell and started to feel angry. With intense emotions came more of an intense urge to come. He worked me up already but after I see his snap I was more determined to make myself come. Angry fucking is just as hot. I changed my plan. I propped the camera to catch just a partial view of me. He was in a Ride The Lightening mood earlier. Fuck him, I went all out with Master Of Puppets. If he had read any of my shit here he would've known Master Of Puppets is one of Metallica's songs that gets me going. It was a little tough this time to get me back to speed. I spent too much time getting my stuff together and now knowing I'd be going at this alone made it a little bit harder. His message was, "Sorry I came already." He was playing me. I doubt he couldn't wait especially since he's the one that kept talking about wanting to see me cum. So with this I bent over on the couch arm. My hand slips past the waist band of my panties, I want to feel how wet my pussy is. Imagined he was behind me getting me ready. I imagined his dick hard. Spanking me, up against my ass with his prick. The music is playing loudly. I'm getting it back, and now more excited. I'm wetter this time. Something about angry fucking gives me a determination to come. Rage fucking. Cum revenge. My legs tense up the closer I get. Thinking how all along he's been saying he just wants to watch me cum. He wants me to call out his name. This is getting me more hot, more wet and closer to coming. The end of the song is coming too. Come crawling faster (faster) Obey your master (master) Your life burns faster (faster) Obey your Master! Master! Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams Blinded by me You can't see a thing Just call my name 'cause I'll hear you scream I turn my head towards the camera to catch a glimpse of me as I start to come. I tell him how when I see him I'm gonna hate fuck him. And with that I start to come, while I softly cry out his name. When I caught my breath I sent him the snap. I thought for sure I was ghosted already. But he quickly replied with "ugh". I told him I'm not leaving him on read I just don't know how to respond to "ugh". He said he wanted to see that live. I smile and reply, "Well thank you for making me cum tonight twice, you sharing your pretty dic to get me off and you didn't get what you wanted-maybe next time." Unlikely because he doesn't stick around long enough, easy work nothing too much from me. Until the flip~ when he says he came already angry fuck something This was a 2/25/20 post that should've been shared end of February-but as I'm working through my growth I realize my old pattern of people pleasing and hand holding at my expense serving no purpose to anyone was to hide this and a few other stories. I will share. enjoy :) I hadn't been on playstation in some time. I sent DV a message something about how I know he ghosted me again and that I'm not dumb. But a few days or weeks later I Facebook messaged him saying to please disregard that and just know the short time we met he changed my life and I'm grateful for having met him. That was a month ago. When I went to bed I got notification I received a ps message. I didn't think anything of it, some other player wanted me to start playing ESO-Elder Scrolls online and figured it was him giving more group information. Next day feeling deflated for various reasons, I accidentally popped into the ps app messages and see something from DV. I laugh. Giddy and goose bumps start on my arms and the back of my neck. I open his message. Just says "Hi BabyGirl". I'm done. I message back if this is actually him and to get a hold of me on Facebook or snap. I flip to fb. Minutes later he sends me, "Hey you, it was me" I'm really excited. His two day count down begins. I've surmised that's the amount of attention he's capable of giving before he bails. We discuss ghosting, and he's apologizing. I said to just leave me on read, I know what that means because now he's looking silly when he keeps having to ask for my snap. Speaking of which. I sent him a nice pic. A hint. Told him he had snaps waiting for his approval. I scare him but he comes back. He said he's not gone for good. Note to self, there is a definite timer with cub. So begin the play. It was a Tuesday because I had belly dance class. We snapped back and forth. Lots of hot talk. Also explained to him if he ghosts me again I won't be so easy on his return. I told him I had class and will return to him after. In the meantime, he sends me some nice eye candy. I made the mistake of opening before class while sitting in the van. Oh my. Wish I had a few extra minutes; I had to get to class yet I needed a quick release. Made my class participation more energetic, especially watching myself in the mirror gyrating, and performing hip figure 8's and chest bumping. If these other women in my class only knew of the beautiful prick that I had saved and will surely use to get myself off; they'd enjoy also. As he was typing to give me permission to save the pic, I already saved; surely made his ego feel good. Why else would he 'give' me permission. Fuck you. You sent it, I'm going to take it. Thank you. Class ends and I'm already shaking. I pop into the ladies restroom to empty my bladder; yes I'm really wet. He worked me up; I need to cum. Error, I want to cum. He didn't say I couldn't, he's not my dom. He gonna be easy and send me a bunch of dic pics that I'm gonna take and use. No orders, tasks or requests from him, yet. I start to pull out of the semi full parking lot and I see some dark places to park. Empty spots, I have to pull over and cum now. I can't make it home. My phone is blowing up. It's him. Dic pics and a fb message from him asking me, why I left him on read. Guess he thought I bailed. I smile at his slight panic. I tell him to settle down I had to pull over. I set my phone to play his playlist and then to video. Too dark inside but enough of a glow from a blue light and the song that perfectly came on was "Heaven" Julia Michaels. Snap video isn't very long so I'm slightly under pressure but the thought of his cock had me worked up in no time. I sit back in my driver's seat. Legs splayed. I'm wearing my poncho; it's my-hide-myself blanket that I wear. No one can see me slide my hands up under my shirt and sports bra to grab and pull my nipples. My body is warm from dance and my pussy is aching to touched. Sliding my hands down my stomach I slip it under the waist band of my stretch pants and panties. Feels so good. I've been worked up all day. The psychological game of my ego getting stroked and played with after feeling deflated feels nice. The physical play of getting worked up from sexting and pics feels really delicious. Delaying myself and wanting to come before class then getting worked up again all part of the physical and psychological torment. He at this very minute knows something is going on after I told him to settle down I had to pull over. That's all I told him. Wonder what his imagination is doing? Mine is thinking about him here with me. In his sexy normal tone, his sexy sly smile fades when he demands me to get in the back of the van because he wants to spank my pussy with his prick. My eyes roll back as I think of his cock nearing my cunt, wanting a fuck punch so bad from it. Beat it into me. Tease me with it. Make me beg for it. I spread my legs wider I can feel I'm getting closer. I can see him in front of me in between my thighs teasing me with his dick. Watching me. Waiting for actual tears to fall, he wants me begging and crying for it; literally. The song continues as my orgasm begins to build. "No need to imagine 'cause I know it's true They say "All good boys go to heaven" But bad boys bring Heaven to you It's automatic, it's just what they do They say "All good boys go to heaven" But bad boys bring Heaven to you" My arm slips from the window ledge as my legs begin to shake. I lose my footing and concentration begins to fall as my orgasm starts to pull out ahead of me. I couldn't pull it back and then came. It felt good but I felt cheated. Hard to explain. My body felt good for the release but my head wasn't with my body during the release. Nonetheless it was still good and I smiled. I knew I had to get back home. I quickly snapped the video to him. His work after all. until the flip~
no hiding Well it appears I am correct in surmising Dv is off into the vast Nothing. I had an inkling, my fantasies are better than real life. I just thought for once, a play would have blown my mind and instead of fantasizing I would've been documenting for posterity's sake.
I'm exhausted with the fantasies of him circling in my head and with that I gracefully exit, no regrets and finally put this to bed. Perfect song ending to this saga~ "Tangerine Sky" Kottonmouth Kings I wanna touch the sky unleash control Wanna feel time travel, real through my soul Wanna ride real high Wanna lay real low Independent free thought control my zone My zones full blown like a plant full grown Just take some time to elevate Climax what the clouds create It's never too late to lose the hate It's never too late, it's never too late now Say goodbye to a tangerine sky Say hello, say hello to tomorrow (Say Good-bye) When you say goodbye to a tangerine sky You lose your pain, lose your fear, lose your sorrow (Say Good-bye) Until~ My brain won't stop. I am out of control and I should be punished. Big smile to go with the chill that came over me. And what has transpired you may ask? Or not. Well, I found a website, during my research a lot of others recommend FetLife. I just went to the website. Didn't sign up. Not much unless you do sign up. However I did find a glossary the Kinktionary...and am thoroughly enjoying my studies. Wow a lot to learn here. I'm very interested in a Sensualist- "a person with a strong focus on the pursuit of sensual pleasures and interests." My dom could do lots of sensory play for rewards or tasks. Now I'm thinking punishments for a sensualist wouldn't be normal spankings because it's still touch.
Moving on I feel dumb for having 'skerd' off Dv. And Mr. Pickle, isn't the dom I need or wanted as a dom really. Especially when I previously asked Dv if I could domme him and his reply was he's the dominant. So, naturally my brain went there. Eventually. When did this start up again? I think just when he thanked me for his birthday wishes and called me babygirl. Fuck am I that easy for a breeze to just get me going? Or is Dv a tornado and I'm a helpless little Dorothy wanting to run and hide but secretly just wants to be lifted, carried off and destroyed? Agh, I need another hobby. Clearly writing about sex is just making me think more about sex. I just need to go to bed. But first maybe a little laundry room action, that tornado got me excited. Damn it. Until the flip- knock it to the ground and pile drive those ruby red stilettos off |
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |