Song in my head this morning, Weezer "Say It Ain't So". Whatever that means. Likely some deep seeded psychological knot I'm not willing to unravel right now. I'm just glad I momentarily feel like writing after a Non Sensual session last night. Also first thought upon waking, "box". Maybe this idea is more superficial and can easily be dissected; something with sexuality and not so blatant as to mean my pussy/box. DV isn't the first to mention something about my voice, I've been told my sensuality is palpable. Someone even said my smile is as if I'm hiding a sexy secret, like I'm fantasizing about giving someone a blow job.
A half laugh from me as I recall, while some women before dates eat something so they wouldn't eat too much during the date, I would pleasure myself. My predate warm up was usually to Marvin Gaye "Let's Get It On" or Led Zeppelin in "Kashmir"; I'd fantasize about my date. What he would wear, how he would smell and hopefully what activity would transpire. The 'delish' was in the details. Self pleasuring was both a warm up and cool down. Make myself cum and I'd calm down enough to have the date rather than just suggest we get right to the fucking. After orgasm I'd slide my fingers deep inside. Take the wetness and rub it behind my ears, on my wrists, and at points at my ankles. My primal perfume if you will. Maybe it worked. I don't know but I loved the scent and I guess my 'secret'. Blindfolded, tied up and spanked I love this sexy vulnerability. Exposed flesh after a delicious spanking is sensitive to the breath of a gentle after kiss. I feel super sensitive after meeting an equally sensual perceptive person. The box looms. Beckons secret safety, but I love my vulnerability, my openness to feel electricity and want to explore; run with it. Come undone. Be in the moment. Not get caught up in tomorrow or the past. Is it really wrong to feel good in the moment? To just savor and enjoy something that feels good. I feel the cosmos punishing me. The box is calling. No more exposure and no risk of danger. Don't be open. Repression is familiar and isn't familiarity comfortable? The safe place, the secure place climb back in, life was tolerable and okay. Keep the secret under wraps. Maybe I am saying, "say it ain't so" don't repress, and don't store away. Don't fade my smile. Until the flip...
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The song that pops into my head upon waking is usually the kind of day I will have....
Ludacris Vitamin D. So not a normal morning? Nope, shaky with thoughts, butterflies fill my stomach- more excited than a virgin at a prison rodeo. Turns out I went to bed pondering my desire to be snuck up on; what is the psychological pull behind it? My eyes closed but my brain explored this idea, which is why I woke up in this state of trembling sexual arousal. Must go to the gym in this condition. Working out, not cardio as that can be happily achieved in a different form of exercise, but lifting weights. Using the weight machines to be precise. Not only makes my brain happy but excites my body. The acts of lifting. Pushing. Pulling. Heavy breaths during and between reps fires up my engine. I've had to stop doing crunches at the gym, the on my back missionary style crunches. See how I turned left to fuckville? It's really difficult to rub one out in the restroom just because someone is always in there shitting which is such a buzz kill. The showers are always full. Sometimes the prison yard has a few jewels to bestow my eyes upon, mainly males but I will admire a beautiful female's physique. I like the ones that are not arrogantly flexing or grunting. The ones that are just there to do their time because it makes them feel good and look good. My mind turns to DV. Him spotting me. Encouraging me. Telling me to go slower. Giving me breathy counts,"3...2...1... Gooooood girl. Release." Ohhh mmmmmmy. Have to be careful. Last week I was more focused on fantasy than arm position and tweaked my upper back-trapezius muscle. I just got it well enough to go back to arms, I don't need another injury. So, more focused on lifting, but now also thinking. If he was at the gym with me how that would look. The sexual tension, ripe with electricity, how could it not be felt by others. It would be so hard to concentrate on my lifting, take him seriously or take any of it seriously when I'd just want to hurry the session and end it with a hot and heavy sweaty private cardio workout. My nipples grow hard with thought. The elasticity in my sports bra has relaxed as my bulbous breasts are all too happy to heavy shake as I walk over to the lat pull down machine. Slight blush crosses my cheeks, as I felt my tits were being too dramatic and noticeable. I feel my crotch heat up as I imagine it was him I was about to straddle with my breasts slowly jiggle over him. While holding a firm grip on the pull down bar I slowly lower my ass onto the triangle seat, maintaining good form as thighs distribute my weight. I'm glad the elastic in my bra has weakened. The nerves in my breasts are alive. I can feel my nipples harden to attention as I pull the bar down. The fabric of my bra is slowly sliding across my tits, I make my shoulders pull forward closer together to get my breasts to move more. Ahhh it feels good, but I could injure myself again. Pay attention. Slowly returning the lat bar up, the fabric rubs gently again. Focus. Finish reps, now new machine. Shoulder press machine should be safe. Should be. I discovered tis not. For me at least. I realized as I'm pressing the handle bars up the weight is pushing my cunt harder down onto the seat. I can feel my lips spread, exposing my clit. Feeling this I start to get wet. Glad I have a pantyliner on today. Down to return position. Up again more pressure on my clit. Slowly back down again. Happily going back up, my clit must be getting hard it seems more sensitive. My pussy feels like it wants to open eager for something to enter, right here and now. I finish my set. Triceps push down machine. Yeah here my body felt like it wouldn't start to cum, but the bending of my elbows just had me thinking about my previous fantasy with DV. The washing machine. Him lifting me, my elbows bent to balance and hold myself up while he works himself slowly inside of me. Eyes locked. He unhurriedly in a teasing manner pulls back and then deeply pile drives me. Oh fuck. My pussy is now soaking the liner, I can feel wetness. Sexual butterflies buzzing around in my stomach. I need to release them. I hope the bathroom is free, cause I'm cumming.
I've been sporadic with my game play and I've removed social media from my phone. I'm not hiding, nor do I want to get all caught up on seeing whether or not he's reaching out to me. I needed to pull back and life for a bit. It can't be that intense all of the time, things would get too raw. Keep it lit but a slow burn. I did see him a few times online and was bummed because I had preferred to play with him at that time more so than with my current friends. Is it possible to continuously repeat our first encounter? I decided I'd much prefer he sneak up on me again. Game in a game. ;)
Like a wave. Silent until he comes up on me. Enveloping me. Making me wet. Coming in hard then pulls back. Ebbs slowly, pulling back. Prey stalking. The MMO is a perfect environment to create and make magic happen. Even recreate. It's doable. The element of surprise. I'd be in a constant state of anticipation. Not knowing when. Not knowing where he'd strike. On edge. One minute deep in my game playing but then hear a rustle of something. Don't check the map, just hold still and listen. It's been I think a week. Evident here he left me plenty in my tank. Lots of shower material. My imagination and memory has served me well with his imprint. I've spent the time cleaning, well, in between self pleasuring and writing, some cleaning. My world shook as hard as my legs shake during an intense self cumming session that was brought about by him. Now the after shocks are waning. Don't get me wrong I can easily reheat, just with the memories and some rereading direct messages are helpful. However once the gas is gone it's just faint vapors until another fill up. Oh shit, what if there isn't another fill up? My words here, can help me relive. I get the Snapchat thrill, the delete. However where is the savoring, the marinating if given a 'gift' only to have it self destruct upon exiting? None. I'm glad I have something in somewhat his voice, his written words at least. Even though the snaps are gone, the image of his beautiful, erect, commanding attention, hard cock that deserved to be swallowed is burned into my mind. Don't stop. Until the flip, pull it to the side, keep it up and go slow~
Just putting this here in this section as I'm unsure of the direction this will head. Clearly he knows about these writings. How much I do not know, but I asked his permission to post our first steamy encounter and obviously was granted. Just thinking this has to be flattering. But is it too much. How many men would like this idea of some woman writing her fantasies about him for the public. Would he feel awkward? Not want to talk to her because he knows more of their encounters will just end up in public? Pressured?
He mentioned he did read, it was vague, or I wanted it to be vague and not know whether or not he was reading anything because I really want to keep this organic. I'm not here to impress anyone, these are just needing to come out. I'm writing to express my feelings and fantasies. I felt like I was going to burst and couldn't life, but now I can get this off my chest, release a little pressure and move on with the day- I was just trying to feel what it would be like if the script was flipped. "I see", said the blind man. I suddenly realize why my right wrist is feeling, tight. Furiously typing coupled with pleasure sessions makes an over worked joint. I digress. Flipped script. How I'd feel? If I could read what was in his head. His encounter with me? How my voice gets him going? I wouldn't share dm exchanges so no public reading of actual words. So it would be just of his memory, his interpretation and his fantasies. How would I feel reading everything, coming from him, his point of view. How many times he rubbed one out while thinking of my voice. What our first meeting was like. If he enjoyed my playing, my teasing, and my heavy breathing. Did I make him hard like he made me wet. Was he biting his lip while I was double talking him up. Would I feel pressure like it was too much; being in someone else's head or a pleasure of being able to be inside some else's head. It's all irrelevant. It wouldn't matter too much that he writes everything down as to not forget or to relive hot memories to pleasure himself anytime. What matters is I'd make him read it to me. Out loud. Slowly. Breathy. Until the flip, pull it to the side, keep it up and stay slow~
After last night's writing I really made an attempt to just go to bed. No touching. No rubbing. No working myself up and no releasing. Thought, how intense would it be had I waited. Waited until I heard him again? Let 'this' build up. No self pleasuring until I hear him again. However, it didn't happen. I kept thinking how he would sound telling me to not say anything or I'd be punished. Thinking of what the punishment could be. I reread the first time we met.
I made my way to the laundry room, this time to make my washing machine shake. No warm up, no formal introduction necessary just get in there fingers. Holding onto the washer with one hand as my right hand knows it's place slide it down my panties. My wrist I notice is 'tired'. Well girl too bad I don't feel like plugging in the back massager (really need a new vibrator). Thoughts come easily. Starting out the same. Him coming up behind me. Moving my hair aside to kiss my neck. Then he gently bites my neck. This time he doesn't take over for me. Part of the tease. His hands slide down my hips to the sides of my legs. Leaving gentle kisses on my neck, he in a breathy whispers, "What's going on here?" A purring moan leaves me, he knows what's going on, he's playing with me and I don't want him to stop. His hands make their way to my waist, he lifts my large tshirt and presses him self firmly up against me. I can feel how hard he is through his underwear. He wants me, but like an animal with it's prey, the delectable meal must be savored and played with first. I'm getting wetter. Fingers working my clit much more purposeful as now I need a release. Patience. Explore this fantasy. I can feel his body pressure leave me and can tell he's removing the rest of his clothing. My thighs shake more in excitement. He pushes me down over the machine taking his foot taps the inside of my foot to signal for me to spread my legs wider; he's coming in. Teases. He doesn't, he instead is grabbing my breasts through my shirt. Gently squeezing my nipples. I need to feel his flesh on mine. As that thought leaves me I can feel his hands reach under my shirt grabbing my soft breasts, kneading, squeezing. Legs shaking more, I'm now close to cumming. He removes his hands from my eager hard tits and with his hands to my waist, he turns me around. Not from behind this time. I'm glad. I want to see him, his face while I'm cumming. He lifts me. With my elbows bent they're on the washer for balance and support. His hands under my ass, no teasing the pussy this time, his hard massive cock slides right in. Ohhh gawd. My pussy is getting wetter. My legs splayed, semi on the washer, so open and vulnerable to his penetration he is in control of how deep, how slow, or fast. I can see a look on his face, his eyes smiled. Now he's biting his lip. Words are being mumbled as moans increase with movement. The pulling and pushing of his cock sliding in deeply and pulling out of my pussy is getting me so close. Biting my lip I hold fast to locking my eyes onto his. I badly want to see him while he's cumming inside me. I want him to see the bliss on my face the moment I climax. Eye contact during an orgasm is other worldly, soul fucking. My breaths are starting to quicken. Now I'm holding them as I'm coming closer. Fingers moving faster, circling frantically wishing this was really happening. I can feel the muscles inside tighten for something that isn't there, squeezing. Envisioning him biting his lip as he's getting closer. A few quick breaths being held in, quiet, only the sound of my wet pussy being worked-my body tightens, thighs tremble and a deep low moan releases as waves of my intense orgasm is washing over me. A sigh of release. Felt this had to be done. First, because I did work myself up from rereading my own stuff about him, but second because if I were to hear from again...my heart is pounding just thinking about the possible next encounter I'd lose it. The anticipation and the idle time that has transpired since our last encounter unexpectedly has initiated a slow build up. A slow burn. Perhaps had we spoken daily the magic wouldn't be so captivating. Now I'd likely lose it on the spot if I were to hear his voice. I've got a shiny wrapped present. I know that what's inside is something I've needed. Something I've wanted and know I will thoroughly enjoy. However I'm not allowed to open. Can't touch. Just remember how it was opening the previous package. (she said package-sorry couldn't help myself) Heart rate rising. Heat rising. Hands perspiring; he could hear whenever I would rub my hands together, I told him it was the game really it was him. The memory. Fantasy of the possible next meeting. I can totally play it cool. Unaffected. Maybe. A breathy laugh escapes me realizing this time in between, this 'nothing' has become foreplay. So much pressure built up. I had thought the fallen silence since our last encounter was him being 'skerd', but I'm thinking deep inside me, it might be me. He's unlocked something inside me that I had said good bye to 18 years ago. I don't think I could be casual the next time I hear his voice. Being cool would fail me. Would he know instantly? Would I blush? Lose my breath? My leg is shaking now as I think I know the answer. Curious if memories of senses are stored in different parts of the brain or affected differently. Two Snaps of his cock (I for some reason get turned off by the word dick-maybe 'cause I've used it to describe people) and it's burned into my brain. I can easily get it up. Recall the picture in my mind, but his voice- it's starting to fade. That sucks. |
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |