“...spontaneity is a myth, committed sex is premeditated sex, it’s willful, it’s intentional, it’s focus and presence.” Esther Perel“
I would like another ‘crack’ at a long term relationship. In the last 6 years I have done a lot of work and a lot of growth; in relationships is where I learn best, reveal, heal and release old stories. I’m driven to find a certain type of partnership, open to finding who would help attain the partnership I desire. I’m very excited to write this down, it feels like I’m casting a spell! Sexual chemistry is a must, because sex motivates me. Sex is play and it is where I have been hurt and is a vulnerable place for me. Sex is a place we go, not this thing we try to do weekly. It's where we explore and share new parts of ourselves; exploring, experimenting and playing. Also necessary is compatibility. Here we genuinely want to know the other and learn of ourselves in this space. Presence, without it we’re just on autopilot not connecting learning another’s internal experience. Esther Perel, a psychotherapist specializing in human relationships, has a great ted talk about creating longevity in relationships. Through her work she discovered that there are 3 influences that draw partners to each other.
I’m a natural sub, guided by and leaning onto a self actualizing Dom type; not codependent rather interdependent. The relationship will be a 51/49; with myself as the 49, you will always have the deciding vote if you choose. This helps eliminate a lot of power struggles that usually take place in relationships. The undertone of the relationship is always D/s. As in bdsm there is a safe word to halt or slow a scene. I would like in this partnership an “escape word” to switch from vanilla life immediately into play. This does not necessarily mean intercourse or straight sexual play right away, although that’s not ruled out, it's connecting and remembering the reason we’ve come together; because of play and chemistry. What would an agreed core value(s) for the relationship look like? Enm- ethically non-monogamous, something I am open to exploring with the right emotionally intelligent, transparent partner with current and history disclosure. And open to exploring a monogam’ish dynamic Spirituality is important. Personal development and growth is a must; a conscious partner. This space is safe for mistakes and differences are allowed. Conflict is safe. What does a disagreement agreement look like to you? In agreement the relationship is slightly more important than ourselves individually. We are not becoming one, we are parallel recognizing we are greater together. We have friends of the opposite gender, inside and outside of the relationship. Time apart; short and long amounts. Genuine desire to know and see the other in their happy places, open heart. Keeping the play/sex a priority, learning new things about ourselves, each other and of the relationship. This partnership is physical and emotional connectedness. A place to lean on in difficult times, to share wins, individual and relationship growth, a safe space full of ebbing and flowing, to introspect, caring and most important play. It evolves as we both grow. "...love consists of this; two solitudes protect, border and greet each other." Rainer Maria Rilke This means when I meet you I come with stories but I greet you with a vulnerable honest space sharing these with you. I share to not hurt nor trigger. I am the safe space for your honesty and vulnerability; I don't scare easily nor run from difficulty. I remain myself. You remain you. Not blending nor losing ourselves, but actually experiencing each other with awareness to not project; individual solitudes. I’m looking for another spirit living in their weirdness, able to accept and appreciate mine just as I accept and appreciate his weirdness!
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |