I started with bcomingundone to get back to me and fet website for research. I ended up finding more of myself, however I feel with eating the apple I'm exposing, revealing rawness.
Work to be had, a past to let go and a present to grab onto. The proverbial mirror is making it's appearance; look closely. New territory, no guidance with only self to rely on. Intuition burnt yet required to frantically build self trust quickly lest I drown in this uncharted sea. A false sense of security, with those I've met along the way. A need to look to others for assistance as my own compass worn and broken. My sea legs weak and wavering knowing now is the time to stand but feeble from years walking straight but never forward. My voice strained and weak from shouts for help, from the endless sobbing because of skewed hopelessness and from the frail whispers as the only means to be noticed. My heart beats. Reliably beats. When my mind wanders it's my heart that sees me through. A defiance, in spite of me almost. When my mind mutters all is lost and there is no further need to hope, rhythmically, my heart, albeit faintly, still carries. Carries and protects a light from within. My beacon. My steward. A light bright like a sun; my heart protects this brightness from exhaustion, thus burning itself up into a white dwarf my mind would comfortably accept. I just need a moment of rest on this raft in this often turbulent sea. Darkness surrounds, engulfing me. My battered lonely spirit fighting along side my heart finding the courage and strength to stand. A lookout. Is what I need. To navigate, protect and search from above to see in the distance all is not lost. As above there is a calmness of things greater than me. So below a stillness my inner light will always remind me to see.
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |