~May 15, 2020 Dedication to Meta because I want the fucking universe to know who makes me cum intensely. I am lucky to have your contribution towards fantasies, my self discovery and introspection. I like you. This time nothing looped, 2 hours of Mozart Requiem Today's orgasm was an accumulation of people I play with currently and then ending with my current Dom. Dom in the spirit of D/s but more like a meta man and a meta play partner. Envisioning him resting between my full thighs the way a Satyr would happily lap at a beautiful tempting 19th century Nymph. Having his tongue play and dart in between my wet folds. Making me wetter. Forgetting I'm even there. I even forget I'm there. I detach from my body, giving full permission for my body to experience every little sensation. Not moving as to not disturb, miss or convolute the body sensations from what he's giving me to experience. Just being. Exploring sensations while he's exploring, worshiping, meditating on me. His tongue, his fingers inside me twisting and curling in me experiencing the pressure of his hands spreading me; my body quickly reacts with these thoughts. My mind drifts from my hand as my fingers press firmly against my vulva. My inner and outer labia become more sensitive to touch. I can feel myself getting close to cumming. Maybe next time I will stop at this point; but with thoughts of him at me, having his time with my pussy I don't want to stop from having an orgasm right now. Arching my back, my thighs splayed outward, opening myself up more to this delicious image of him. I pull my breaths down deeply and slowly to my pussy, not wanting to hold anything in. I want my breath to ride along with the wave of my orgasm. I pull my fingers back and stop as I get closer to cumming, my orgasm is here I'm at the threshold and this right here is my favorite moment meeting. I hold a second longer. Then within seconds of placing my fingers back in the same sensitive location (I have a more sensitive area) the wave crosses the threshold and I ride. Lying there in complete stillness I can feel electrical pulses firing off everywhere below my navel. Inside I'm scanning where exactly these snap, crackle and pops are taking place, I can't pinpoint exact locations. Maybe vaginal, but certainly I can feel surges in my vulva and inner thighs. As I am lying there I am filled with pleasantness, unpleasantness, arousal and calm all at the same time. I felt a drift and a pull up, I lost myself while scanning and suddenly felt I woke up staring closely at the ceiling. I started to have an obe (out of body experience). I've only experienced a handful but all while I was sleeping and usually was spurred under distress. My sudden awareness of what transpired or was about to transpire began to trigger a panic attack. I caught my breath. Concluded this was my most intense orgasm and to continue to enjoy as my body and mind were behaving naturally. An innate anthropological drive in me and of course I am my own subject; therefore was curious to what was happening and why I separated my mind from my body. I suspect as time is coming close for our first physical play, the more excited I become. Also 8.5 years since I've touched someone else sexually. A highly excited state. Positive and negative. Also my insecurities are whispering, old wounds and fears also chattering in the distance. Am I here in this world, this writing space one way and in the physical world another way? Am I none of what is written here? I am scared this isn't me. All these words; none of me? Epiphany. Is this what he meant when he spoke early on I live in a fantasy world? My lower lip quivers as my eyes well up. Maybe it's the almost 2 hours of Mozart's Requiem, a perfect soundtrack coming to the realization (jesus the album is called, "Mozart: Requiem Realisations" requiem alone has meaning) that maybe just maybe my 8 years obvious self inflicted celibacy and why I stayed with the marriage without intimacy is I'm the fraud? Shy>timid>lack of confidence>frightened. My marriage looked good on paper initially, however we didn't match sexually. Adventuresome>curious>spirited>sensual. Maybe it's beyond the 8 years, it's actually the almost 18 years I need to come to terms with and maybe that scares me. I don't know who I am. I've been one way for so long this is all I recognize. The realization- me in the physical world has been living a lie, hiding myself, imprisoning myself is this the fraud. I am fearful when this mirror is placed in front of me. Once it opens I will have to deal with the 'whys'. I suspect I may get a visit from She-She bear soon. Maybe I am after all full of paradoxes. Shy/adventuresome >timid/curious >confident >spirited >frightened/sensual. The last one has an intense sexual pull on me, "frightened sensual" sounds like a perfect prey partner to me. These words and the emotions I felt writing this piece spurred fervent writing for about the next 12 hours. I can't wait to share!
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |