Four days since last post. Busy with life feeling like this place from which I write from, well she's in a cocoon. Not frozen. But rather being still. Not hiding, conserving energy. Encroaching upon a magnificent precipice making calculating plans and fantasizing about the feeling of my stomach dropping the moment I decide to run and jump off. How far down will I fall before I pull the ripcord?
I feel like something behind the scenes is in the works. So for the past few days my mind, has for the most part, remained present and in the space of this moment. In a few months it will have been year since the great thaw. This written space has been extremely cathartic and has provided unbridled relief to fantasize again and an outlet for physical release. I'm sure there had been times I had been so horny I masturbated. But I'm thinking even those sessions were just going through the motions for a surface relief. Nothing like this almost past year has provided. I feel awake. Alive. Full of breath. Eight years since I've had physical intimacy; I just succumbed to feeling of being dead inside. Keep that part of myself frozen because this right now, right here, is it. Even longer since I had been flirted with. The fuck, I kept myself so closed off from human connection and hidden away from any possibility of friendly flirting. The irony is it was my spouse who insisted I play Fallout76. I had forgotten how the path to my vagina is really through my ears. A nice voice with confidence. Doesn't even need to be really deep. A confident voice is sexy, deep one is hotter. Easily could read me Nursery Rhymes and I'd get turned on. But a deep sexy voice could say something lacking confidence and it's a cold shower. So, it's definitely the confidence. Commanding, confidence. One other player's voice 3 months prior to me meeting DV stood out to me. I guess maybe if he had confidently flirted with me there might be a different first muse. But there wasn't. I've always been very sexual. Very passionate. Very playful. All the way up and even more so through Mr. Pickle. After him, I subconsciously chose men that had intimacy issues; meaning some part of themselves was closed off. They didn't like to either show affection or experiment. Somehow I was punishing myself for being passionate as a way to protect myself. Rather than just mindlessly fuck multiple partners to find the right fit, I sought to close myself. Current relationship was the winner. Even more closed off. Perfect fit. Perfect punishment. Passion won't hurt here. What I thought was dead and gone was just frozen. Thankfully. My tits are ready to bust out of my shirt needing exposure! My first muse shall not be forgotten, I am still hoping to level up, he confidently said the right thing with his delicious voice. I needed a place to write all that was being released. An eight year, really maybe even longer, sexually repressed side of me, which is really a large part of who I am, was breaking the dam. Flooding. Flooding everywhere. Figuratively and literally. Wind would blow a certain way and I got turned on. I could feel the clothing on my body. Something sexy would cross my path and I needed a release. So this cliff that I'm about to stare down. I currently have a fantasy heating up in my imagination. However, will my writing of it be actual fantasy or of intent. And if it is of intent will I go ahead and free fall in it or pull the ripcord? Guess we both will happily find out. Until the flip- pull it to the side, keep up & stay slow~
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |