Tried to write the other night. Tried Korn anything, thought rage fuck music would help. Nope. Maybe I was in a domme mood, maybe Iggy. Nope. Just wasn't there. Where I was; I was trying to stay present. I felt antsy. My dormant passionate side has been let out of the box (pun intended?) and I wanted more. Again. Feeling a little desperate, okay maybe a lot desperate out of fear this side may be suppressed again. Who am I kidding? Play once a week? I feel like I need a cum'sesh every other day or stretch it out every two days.
Got back on my a.m. and p.m. routines. Guitar nightly has helped keep myself occupied in a nonsexual manner and have managed to not think about being plowed. It's the long hot showers that do me in. Steaming hot then cool my red hot skin with cold water. The extreme temperatures can get my thoughts going. So no shower tonight. I actually wanted to just do some regular boring writing. Reading Larry Niven's "Ringworld", the 7th book from the Nebula Awards; making my way through the list because I couldn't decide what to read. Almost done with the book so I just wanted to spend at least 30 minutes tonight in it. Just kill 30 minutes. Read. Ringworld, flycycles, Louis Wu...aaahhhhnnnd, my mind wanders. Lying on my back, thermal blanket warming my body underneath and a flash crosses my mind. A flash back jolts my memories awake. His thumb in my mouth. I remember how he tastes and the thickness of his thumb. Wow. Forgot about that. He, the last time we spoke, reminded me how I would suck his fingers while he was fucking me. Loved caressing his thumb with my tongue and then sucking on his ring fingers. Some reason it's sensitive on me. Gawd. I do miss his voice. Even more his voice telling me these fucking sexy things I had forgotten. Reminding me how I used to love fucking. Playing. He was so open to me. If he was ever nervous he never let on. He'd let me drive and know exactly when to reclaim control. Damn he was fun. Sex was fun. Fucking was fun. Making love, with him, was soul touching intense. I can't blame myself for shutting down after he left my life. Before him, I was half awake. With my previous partner we could've had a dom/sub relationship but he never took the reigns and he never gave it up enough. However when I met Mr. Pickle, our sexual energy matched. I met someone who loved kissing as much as I did. He was a fuckingtastic good kisser. He would let me climb his lap and just kiss him for hours if I wanted. Kissing him was so good. Biting my lower lip now as memories of the times we kissed flooding my mind. His beautiful lips. My face is smiling. We'd make out for hours. After him, I was open to passion but after a couple attempts felt my passion with Mr. Pickle was unique. So why bother. My heart hurt. My body ached. My passion ceased to exist. So I thought. Still in here. Still wants out. I'm laughing, please send help. I'm trying to stay present. And with this I'm slipping into another fantasy, not quite ready to share, got to relieve some pressure my legs are restless. Until the flip pull it to the side, keep it up & stay slow~
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |