The night before a meeting. Maybe. Maybe the next night. Now doesn't look that way until maybe next week. Back when I thought it would be the day before an actual meeting, my tics were prevalent. My pent up passionate self has been without touch for 8 years. Almost 8.5 years really. Yes counting. At first I didn't count the years because I chose to settle. Felt I didn't deserve to find my match. Others had said I was too much, too intense, too wet, too passionate (albeit the word they chose was dramatic) so I settled with a person who was in their own void. Further still it was impressed upon me to stay on anti anxiety and anti depression medication for postpartum issues; my 'baby' was 7 years old at the time when I decided to wake the fuck up and work on getting off of pharmaceuticals.
Forever grateful to the cub that stirred me and ghosted me. It was then I realized I had been without for far too long. Far too long for anyone, but me. I've always been sexually expressive. As a child I masturbated frequently and I couldn't wait to become an adult to be able to play like 'this' with another adult. I had one really good play partner however that was over 25 years ago. Went downhill after each relationship thereafter the men became worse. Worse in treatment of me, and even worse sexually. In my hurried quest to fulfill social and family programming I was expected to settle down, I was already 'late' at 30. I settled and I traded sexually expressive for sexually repressive. It's been 12 years since I had good sex, fun sex, exploring kinky sex. No hugs even, I'd likely break down and cry from just a tender loving hug from a man. And I miss kissing so much. It has to be my favorite activity. So much can be said in a kiss. So much can be felt in a kiss. I could likely do an entire post about kissing. I easily happily digress, fantasies of kissing...mouths exploring...breaths...moaning in his mouth. I'm so very excited with the prospect of meeting him soon. Beyond excited my body is very reactive, all of my senses heightened. My emotions have also been in excited states. My higher power over the weekend had me sit out for a bit and reflect. The person I am to meet is the only one that suggested it would benefit me more if I were to go slow. I'm already overwhelmed with the prospect and often felt I could likely faint from excitement overload. And it likely wouldn't take very much at all to get me so excited since it's been so long. Also on the same token, I will need to come to terms with the emotions of my self-inflicted prison. At some point in my life I felt I wasn't worthy to say no to others and felt incapable of taking care of myself even though when I met my spouse I was busting my ass working full time with a part time job and going to school. Right now, all of this is just talk and fantasy. It's still me just masturbating however it is nicer when someone is on the other end listening, participating and or just enjoying my orgasms with me. Until I actually meet him or anyone it's still in my head. I'm so nervous like a virgin with first hand knowledge of how everything is going to feel so amazing. My orgasms lately are more intense. So even if he and I don't meet he's already gifted me so much.
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |