Open Prime Music and first song is...Radiohead "Creep". Hilarious. The Universe knows why I'm here, writing. My escape. My outlet. It of course was going to be about DV, but unfortunately there isn't new material and won't hold my breath, unless it was from cumming hard, that there will be new material. I mean come on. Although the thought of me writing that I will for certain have a game time play date with my female friend this Wednesday at 7pm pst and him seeing this would bring about his quiet resurface, does in fact start to turn me on.
But I'm putting myself in his shoes, oooh my new cotton candy pink nails tapping at the keyboard looks nice under the dim dinning room light...drifting. If I was in my early twenties and an older man took a fancy (is that an old word) to our encounters, strictly through the computer and I had the ability to just about any time excite him; shit I'd probably crumble from the power. Then again maybe genders handle sexual prowess differently. I'd definitely take advantage of it on a bad self confidence day. Trying to think of my ex at 21 and how'd he'd handle this. Cocky, he'd play; he loved when others checked him out showing him an interest. Oh shit, memories are coming back, he fucking loved (and I did too) hiding in the closet watching me pleasure myself. But I had to be talking about him as if he was spying on me fantasizing about him and getting myself off. So this is of no help. At that age life is taken too seriously, maybe not life, but experiences are taken too seriously. I was too much, too aggressive. Maybe he thought I had developed fe...nope won't speak for others. With a shiny new toy I was too eager to play again. Maybe I took the experience too seriously, initially. Point is sorry no. new. dv. material. I wish I had something to add. You don't want to hear how once I spent an hour rereading All Things DV in order and worked myself up into a tingly warm smile that I then had to master myself. Inspiration, my eyes are open. My psychiatrist at the end of my last appointment asked if I write. I see her to help with my medications and cannabis for Panic Disorder. I choked out an audible,"no" as thoughts of my erotica that I felt compelled to write, along with dv, popped into my head. Making mental note I probably should discuss all of this with her or at least with my therapist. She adds, "Oh, you should write. It will get yourself out of your head and focused on something else. Just describing a scene; 'the water gently laps at the side of the boat in the Sound', forces your attention onto something else and out of body." "Ahhh that really took me out through the window and onto the water." I replied with an internal smirk thinking about the naughty thoughts I had because of someone else's head. "Yeah, I will look into that." So, no new material. I'm just letting inspiration take place. Surprisingly found it the other night watching Youtube. No, not Redtube, although I should make the switch from Xvideos. When I watch porn it's specific soft types. I don't want to burn out my dopamine receptors that will eventually require blood and gore to get me off. I was watching Theo Von's podcast with Nikki Glaser. I love his comedy but really not a fan of hers, however, on This Past Weekend an almost two hour session has me turned. I haven't even finished the episode. The entire conversation was sexual in nature and at first they've got their professional talk face. However within the hour, seemed these two were squirming. Or maybe it was just me. Two things I learned in the first hour I watched: the term 'edging' and The Womanizer. Fuck isss on. Nikki was describing her sex toy, The Womanizer. It's for the clit. Makes perfect sense. If the penis is just an overgrown clit why wouldn't the clitoris want to be sucked. Not spanked, rubbing is okay but sucking that could make her squirt, or at least have a mind blowing orgasm. I'm not a prude but this is something I never explored or even thought about expressing to a lover. I had no idea. Ahhhh, so I had to learn about this. I had to see this. I had to watch this in action. I love watching girl v toys and the "hysterical" readings just on regular Youtube. I would love to do one but not on camera for the world, hmmm how long does snap record? ;) I loathe they use the word 'hysterical' for a woman's orgasm. Not in the funny sense but just sounds like a 50's slang demeaning term to describe an uncontrollable woman. Okay, so just the look of the toy alone was exciting me. Palm size with a rubber suctioned opening on one end. Honestly looks like a small pipe, cannabis is pleasing. The women in the videos using the toy seemed to enjoy it and appeared it wasn't an act. The second thing I learned, well I've known but didn't know the proper search term, is 'edging'. Delaying orgasm. I accidentally discovered this through a massage. The chiropractor was using a professional two handed medi massager. My lower back was giving me problems so prior to the adjustment he was using the massager to loosen my muscles. My first visit to a chiropractor in years wasn't sure of what to expect. The heavy machine was pressed hard against my lower back. Then moved in small, slow circles. He pressed it firmly against the sides of my hips. I love ass play. The vibration on my hips was making my ass cheeks shake. Ah fuck. I was trying not to think about how good not only my back was feeling but my ass was enjoying this. Right on my ass crack, the intergluteal cleft, he drove that machine down. The pressure forced my mound to push harder into the table and the vibration awoken my clit. I felt nervous, "oh shit am I going to cum? Right here on the table? Is he going to notice?" So I kept thinking about football. Anything else than the intense labia humming that was going on from the heated machine that was seriously vibrating my pussy. Thoughts kept running. How to stop thinking about cumming. I would get close to an orgasm... and then quick! Think about the Seahawk 49'er game 25/23; I used to be all "nothing finer than a 49'er" until I saw a game at Candlestick Park and loved the tenacity of the Hawks. Too bad this massage happened before Hawks released my boy Sherman and he went to the 9'ers, shit that would've for sure stopped this orgasm in it's tracks. It hurts to watch Hawks play against 49'ers. Phew okay. No orgasm. The pressure. The vibration. My clitoris is swelling. I can feel it as it's pressing hard against the table being squished between my full lips. I'm so close. Keep still. Force the legs to remain still. It's hard work to keep from cumming. Don't move maybe it's almost over. The buzzing of the machine, it's taunting me. Teasing me. Humming me into cumming. What else can I think of?Don't think of how nice it would be if I could possibly have a 'quiet' orgasm. Is it possible? I keep getting close it's hurting. Now I feel like I can't avoid it. The orgasm will happen. I need to get on top of it. If I'm not in control of it I could easily give myself away. Shit so close almost. Can I have an orgasm without him noticing? Okay, keep legs tight. Pressed against the table hard. Focus on not moving. Don't give yourself away. It's here, I can't, can't, can't, hold baaaack. I feel a warm wave start inside my vagina, it pulses outward creating a ripple. At the same time I feel my stomach drop, like on a roller coaster ride. At the very top as the car stops it's quiet. Just your heart beating rapidly. The air, something feels like it gets pulled out of you as you float up for a millisecond and then fall into your stomach. This time I couldn't let my legs shudder from my orgasm aftershocks. Oh, my gawd this felt amazing. I'm wet now thinking about this. This I learned was edging. The getting close to cumming and then not cumming. Close to cumming then not being able to cum. Finally the welcome permissible release. Getting to the edge. Hard to edge myself though unless someone else was directing me. Well, I of course then had to use my new search term. Tip toed to my laundry room with new found material I had to make myself cum. The same room I had fantasies of dv was of me now getting excited over the sexual tension between Nikki Glaser and Theo Von (or my fantasy of sexual tension because it was fresh in mind from dv), The Womanizer and the term 'edging'. I knew my writings wouldn't be all about dv, just thought I'd get another chapter with the experience. See, there are other things I can write about that are erotic and turn me on, this is after all about me cumming undone. Had to switch from grunge, it was starting to depress me, to my youtube playlist(by all means please give me more suggestions for my dirty dirty playlist). Ending on 50 Cent "Just A Lil Bit". Ah shit. I distinctly remember talking about this song with dv, I brought up, "oh yeah what was that song... what was it, clothes off, face down..." I knew all the words, just wanted to hear him say, "Clothes off, face down, ass up. Just a lil bit..." He then added, "You want jus a lil bit?" My reply was a hitched breath and a blush, "oh fuuuuck." Whelp, guess I wasn't done with DV fantasies, albeit the memory of his voice is gone. :( Back to the laundry room. I am wwwwwet. ;) until the flip...
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |