I'm leaving in a couple days to go back home for a visit. Bitter sweet as this trip really was to connect with a crush I had for 20 years. It's been a couple of months since he finally said he didn't want to be a side piece and didn't want to wait 2 years (I suppose he's thinking about the process of a divorce). He didn't want to wait 2 years. I've had a crush on him for 20 years. But he didn't want to wait 2. We kissed once and it was enough to hold my attention for 20 years. His voice. His laugh. The day dreams, night sex dreams and fantasies from the past 20 years I had to say good bye. It's going to be difficult returning to my hometown and not having that want to reach out to him for a last time what if. It's going to be hard going home visiting places and not think about him. For 20 years we'd connect and lose the connection, I've learned to lose him over and over again during these 20 years. I'm having a difficult time as this is the final time to lose him- I know he's gone, it's gone and likely never really was. I can't have him back in my life. Hard to go back home to not whisper his name. "But nothing is better sometimes Once we've both said our goodbyes Let's just let it go Let me let you go Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own"
When The Party's Over- Billie Eilish Don't you know I'm no good for you I've learned to lose you, can't afford to Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin' But nothin' ever stops you leavin' Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that Don't you know too much already I'll only hurt you if you let me Call me friend but keep me closer (Call me back) And I'll call you when the party's over Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own And I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that Yeah I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that But nothing is better sometimes Once we've both said our goodbyes Let's just let it go Let me let you go Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that Finneas Baird O'Connell
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |