Past few years I've been 'waking up'. My subconscious mind is growing louder, thankfully I have intuitively navigated myself to the people that will and have helped me further with my growth.
As of late, I have realized a need to connect emotionally to another in order for me to have sex. I haven't had sex in almost 10 years and miss being physically intimate with another. Unfortunately, what's been brought to the forefront of my awareness, my conscious mind, is that I am emotionally unavailable and have been for likely 20 years. This. Hurts my heart so much. I felt I was in a psychological thriller when I came to this conclusion. The ending of the movie made previous chopped sequences complete while simultaneously concluding, that I, the protagonist, was actually the killer! So, the conundrum, catch 22, in order for me to have desire with someone to have sex with them, I have a need for emotional connection with them. Yet I'm unavailable. Also, as I am becoming more self aware, walking in my conscious being with intent, the pool of others in this same state is growing smaller. I am finding my interest waning with many I currently know and interest in new connections lose hold fairly quickly as I am made painfully aware another individual is operating mostly from a subconscious loop. I am looking for another to help heal me with my emotionally unavailability. I crave more than shallow surfaced connections; my full bodied being is desiring sacred sex while the pool of conscious beings that I feel can help heal me is growing smaller. I'd like to take my shadow out and get her fucked with someone else's shadow while we both are aware of this dynamic occurring. In this moment, I am safe while on this journey of healing my meat suit and connecting to my conscious mind. please enjoy Peeping Tom's "Five Seconds" a great accompaniment to this post.
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |