I can't quit you. This isn't towards anyone or because of anyone. It's for me. I won't quit me. If I like something, that means it's part of me. So why would I hide any part of myself from the world or from anyone? No reason. So I won't.
I started writing as a release of my pent up sexual frustrations. I have been exploring and releasing and now this blog has morphed into a journal to document my sensual sexual journey. My diary of discoveries. I am currently where I am in my life because of hiding and conforming to other's ideals of whom I should be or become. I certainly have no shame in discovering. What is shameful is hiding part of one's self. I am proud of this past year of writing. If my daughter later wants to read any of this I certainly would encourage her to do so. I momentarily deactivated my fet account. My old habit of conforming for others to protect others from me. That hurts. My eyes are filling with tears. Hurts me a lot. And my tears are now flowing freely, for emotional pain that here after a year of writing and expressing myself I was so quick to go back to my old ways. Quick to disregard me. Hide me. Why protect someone else, is it out of shame or fear if I don't conform I will be abandoned? Account reactivated, I updated status information to not appear as being desperate. At the moment of creation weeks ago I felt I was in a desperate state of despair. This community is the most accepting of any I have known and certainly the last place that would bind me (pun intended) to society's standards. It's a perfect platform to explore myself. I won't quit it. I'm here, I'm alive and fully mentally present this is a great time to learn about myself. Continue dating my authentic self. Fluidity. While I was wrestling with deciding what to hide or tone down, I've even recognized my passion to write waned. Clearly my barometer. My passion is to write and if it's amiss then I need to take a step back and hone in on current activities. Check my light, is it being smothered? Why? Luckily it only took less than 24 hours for me to recognize I was trying to turn my brightness down. I am drawn to others' light so why would I hide mine. I will attract the right people into my life to help me continue to flourish as I am drawn to those that are authentic and on their path of discoveries. I'm laughing because when I woke up the first song in my head was "I Like It" Cardi B. I thought what in the world is my psyche trying to tell me? I see said the blind man. Every song on my playlist while listening and writing has caused me to chair dance. I've been dancing and writing. Hilarious I'm sure to witness. I love to dance, it's expressive. I love writing it's expressive. I love being expressive. I like that I have found people and tools to help me continue to being expressive. I like me. I'm not hiding any part. I like it, like that. Until the flip~ keep your light on.
1 Comment
b
2/14/2020 09:15:26 am
lol Happy Valentine's Day to me! Timing.
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |