Deflated.
So three times this fucking month. Once last month. What goes up must come down. The dick gets hard and then it gets flaccid. Ain't no shame. Hold two minutes, and another emotion will replace the feeling of wanting to hold my heavy sad head in my scared little hands. Then tic the shit away. I've been wanting to write some more fantasy but been feeling stuck. Stuck on other fucking narratives that aren't even sexy for fuck's sake. I need to get my head out of bullshit boring stories and back into fucking, dick worshiping, pussy worshiping and other items that my one and only dom, I did have for a minute, had listed on a questionnaire. I had to google some of this shit, shit which by the way there is a scat play kink. Uh, that is for certain my hard no. *** Update to this as the above was written last night, not only did I not get out of my head I went deep up in there. Worst case scenarios playing in my head feeling vulnerable and exposed. I should've recognized how the night was going to end; I kind of suspected which is why I brought my vibrator out with me to the studio. Had planned for the evening it would be just me and some porn or even reread the special highlighted sections in Wicked Fall but instead I decided to get aboard the crazy train to pity'ville. Not sexy at fucking all. Even took it further and left a crying voice message to my flame telling him I wanted to tap out thinking he isn't into 'this' as much as I am. I am too much even for myself. Conversation this morning, I retracted my tap out. Stressed already and my facetime with him last Saturday had me feeling vulnerable. My morning and evening routines have almost disappeared and I need this to be the forefront of my mind to keep me on track with my lines. Sad thoughts of thinking I probably need to get back on my medication; realized this is just doubt talking trying to continue last night's narrative. I know what I need to do to get myself out of this funk. Just do it. Until the flip~ don't wait for the flip, do it yourself.
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |