I knew he'd have me think deeply. I knew the proverbial mirror was coming and likely a real one will follow. He had asked about my masturbation style as he suspected it was mainly clitoral and he is correct. Rarely any penetration. I had an online play partner and through phone sex he had me insert 4 fingers. Even current Dom, I think a couple of times during phone sex had me insert my fingers. I’ve neglected myself for so long, abandoned myself, pussy included.
I recently have been inspired to get in touch with my feminine side. I purchased a few dresses; I now have 4 and a sexy silk animal print skirt. Oddly, ironically or not so weird, the last few times I did wear a dress was my wedding and church. This time wearing a dress feels good. I was inspired by my kitten friend; she's so feminine. I’m yoga pants and no makeup type. I’m finding now I’m a good mix of girly but want dirty as in playing in mud! And him. Playing with him I’ve been inspired to try new things. Leave my comfort zone venture untethered to new zones. I’m naturally an experimentalist but having someone as a recipient, along with my attraction and chemistry I have with him I feel safe having a want; as simple as that sounds. I added the dresses for texture when I cock worship. The clothing I have picked the entire time was with purpose; being blindfolded sense of touch is heightened and I wanted to take advantage of fabrics. But I find the dresses make me feel sexier. Hmmm I’m having a fantasy of running in the woods in my wedding gown and really fucking tearing it up! Let’s make that happen! A fucking fabulous ending to that dress! I digress. My pussy and insertion. I don’t know why I don’t regularly. Punishment for neglecting me, for abandoning my pussy I get no pussy? And is cock worship just a pleasurable form of further avoidance? In my past I was ignored after I found a couple of men I thought matched my passion. Running from them I went and found someone that is void of emotions and passion and naturally I married him. The natural progression with lack of intimacy in the relationship I chose was to ignore myself. Maybe I became comfortable with my uncomfortable self, the disconnect and not being whole. Thinking of my passion and pussy as my dark side, best to put that away. So now rediscovering myself with people that match my drive and play is new. Especially physical play and touch from another man, currently my play partner, who matches my intensity it seems, maybe is scary for me. Hesitant to ‘relax’ and let go. I abandoned myself and that hurt is unlike any other; another human could not do me worse. I became comfortable closed up; not opening up. Time to get uncomfortable; evolution isn’t easy. Time to put a dress on, get dirty now that I have a want to use my pussy.
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |