I feel I am fluid to a fault. And being an empath I often mistake other's emotions as mine. Typically what happens when I connect with another I can take on their emotions, blindly bending, not realizing what I am experiencing isn't mine. I just can't figure out why this happens with only certain connections. Some, I can see a mile away and shield myself. Others I might get an inkling and yet keep my protection down. Maybe I need to just keep my shield up at all times for everyone.
However, being an empath has its perks. I surprise myself sometimes with how much I can pick up from another and how deeply I can connect with the person through their emotions. I'm not sure I want to turn that off when I play. For example, it's why I love to worship cock; besides me enjoying it I can feel through the receiver how it feels when I'm between his legs. I can feel his energy vibration undulate higher and more quickly just as I bring my body closer and feel the slight increase when my mouth comes closer to his cock. I'm not sure if it's because of spatial synesthesia but I can 'see' excited states of energy pulsating. With his energy pulsating it vibrates through me. This feels good energetically. If I turn this part of me off, I don't think I'd enjoy sucking dick as much. And certainly I think most prefer a blow job from someone that enjoys sucking dick. It wouldn't be worshiping if all of me isn't present. Certainly, I can just shut it down after play. Perhaps why I experience drops often and sometimes stronger than other times; I could be taking on the other person's drop as well. I instinctively want to hide after intense energy exchanges, sexual or not, I need space and time to decompress. My stubborn nature does get in my way. I admit I often do not take the time needed to decompress. I get too excited over things mistakenly believe I will be okay to continue. Luckily, I am aware when my higher power tells me it's time to sit something out for a bit. However I didn't just sit this time. I dusted my bike off that I hadn't used for a year and hit up a trail I had been scouting for a while. 3 miles of meditating. Although I couldn't help but have ruminating thoughts about conversations, I would bless it on it's way. I would catch myself again and just breathe, "stop trying to find a thing" and just enjoy this moment. I stopped and sat. Looked and watched the world around me, the world I'm part of, every part of. Yes it's good to just shut it down for a minute, breathe and enjoy the scenery. To go offline. Disconnect from others' emotions including my own from time to time to just be. Completely shielding and disconnecting from others, I don't think I will do but I can consciously take time away to disconnect. I can envision this period of disconnect as a small river pulling away from the fast moving river. The small river becomes a lazy river making its way around beautiful scenes with shallow banks filled with wildlife replenishing their own nourishment not wanting to be swept up in fast moving currents. The breakaway river winding around a bend then picking up speed and ready to reconnect with the larger fast moving river. ~until the flip, breakaway replenish reconnect Thank you for being here.
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |