Seriously really trying to read 50 Shades of Grey. The past few nights all it's helped me do is fall asleep. No arousal just made me sleepy. Nothing I read made me feel like I needed a release and it's been quite sometime since I've last master'd myself. Tonight the book is finally getting to some good bits, however, my mind wanders. Memories and my wanting to read my own writing about DV has me distracted and cheating on this book. Even coming here to just write is something I'd prefer than read the book. So far the book doesn't give me shower material or warm me up for fantasies just makes me want to write my own erotica. Mainly about DV since he was the most recent and a bit mysterious.
The magic of the mysterious. I'm not so sure I want to talk to him, DV, again. I KNOW CRAZY TALK. Never mind the fact we haven't spoken in weeks, and every fiber in me says this is him ghosting me (fear, skerd, I'm too much, too ugly, too this or too that); it's moot. Even if he was reaching out to me, what if his voice isn't as delicious as I made it to be remembered as? Then my fantasies wouldn't be as powerful? What if it was all in my head, I was just horny and he just happened to be at the right place and right time? It likely could've been any other guy? Maybe I've been so hard up I'm the equivalent of a 15 year old boy cumming from just catching a glimpse of side boob. Well, maybe not a good example since I could cum from seeing an exposed partial breast-with me it isn't side boob that I find hot it's the under boob. With the breasts mostly covered only the bottom portion offering a peekaboo is hot. Agh, because of breast I digress. Was DV just a catalyst? We played a few times prior to our headset session and seemed innocent enough right? When did, the double talk happen, or was it always there? Who pitched first? Maybe it was I that tossed first to test waters? Seems like it must've been him; as I'm not one to go looking for this type of play he was my first gaming sex. Me, was I pretending to be innocent from the get go or was I really blushing because he in fact did catch me off guard? More than one occasion I was red faced and even mentioned to him FO76 needs a blushing emoticon. When pics were being exchanged I do remember thinking I did not want this to happen, minus the dic pic which was awesome whether it was stolen or not the image was put to good use. Even seen a partial face of his, seemed cute from what I could tell and enough for me to want to sit on it. I never wanted face time or even fantasized about meeting irl; the mysterious. Wanted to keep all of it in the fantasy realm. Isn't fantasy way better than real life? I had no plans meeting him so why not completely live this up to just fantasy? Now however, sadly, though I feel like if his was in a voice line up, would I be able to pick out his voice? I had made such a big deal about his delicious voice and here this delicious memory is fading into some friction fiction. If this was all in my head then what was it he said that made me remember I love dirty talk, the fun of sexy banter and blush from our conversations. I had blocked another guy that was trying to sext- why did I block that guy and yet got turned on from DV? What about him, something he said, or was it his fading delicious voice that warmed me up? The book, 50 Shades of Grey, I had hoped would keep me warmed up but it isn't and what did warm me up is starting to fade.
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May 2023
AuthorReleasing some steam. You should want to know me, not just a woman with pent up passion. Oh yea and you should start this from the beginning. |